This is me and how my life goes.
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2001-04-17 02:33:51 (UTC)

My first Kiss

Dear journal,
Ok well this entry is going to be a little different. I had
an ok day today then I got a message from someone and it
just made my day. Anyway I want to write to you today about
my first kiss. Gosh, It sounds so girly but today just made
me remember it. I was eighteen when it happened. Can you
believe that 18!!! I just started dating like December of
last year 2000. I met Josh through my bestfriend Tim. I
wasn't really intrested in Josh but I was attracted to him
and he was really nice. What I liked most about him was he
was a smart ass. Very sarcastic and had a good sense of
humor. Me and him always went out with Tim so we never
really got to spend anytime alone. One Saturday though we
planned to just go the two of us. I don't know why but from
the moment we left my house I had butterflies in my
stomach. When we got to the movies we were joking and
talking a bit but there was nothing date like about it.
Once the movie started though, Josh took my hand into his
and I could barely concentrate on the movie. His fingers
were moving over mine. Not once did he let my hand go and I
liked that. After the movie we came back to my house and I
was sitting at my computer checking my e-mail. Josh was
sitting right next to me and he had his arm around my
waist. My stomach was going crazy, I can't explain to you
how wonderful everything felt. I decided I needed something
to drink and went to the kitchen, Josh followed me. After a
while of making small talk in the kitchen Josh took me into
his arms and we sort of started dancing. He told me not to
ask what he was doing so i didn't. After a lot of
awkwardness our lips finally met. It was wonderful, sweet,
small and passionate. I didn't know what to do with myself.
God... My first kiss. When he left I couldn't stop smiling.
I smiled all day at work the next day and everyone was
like, "Shayla, are you ok? Cause you have a funny looking
grin on your face." Even when I tried to stop smiling I
couldn't. When we talked Josh told me that it was my fault,
that i had him from the moment he held my hand.
Unfortunatly we aren't together anymore. I still love him,
and despite what my mind says, i'd go back with him in a
second. Isn't that crazy? I never ever thought that i'd go
back with someone after they'd done something to hurt me
but we are still really good friends and... I know it won't
ever happen again but it's fun to think about it. I'm not
sure if we really clicked but I like the way he made me
feel about myself. He is the reason today I can look in the
mirror and say to myself I am pretty good looking. I have
him to thank for that.


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