Nellie

fucked up
2002-01-18 07:24:09 (UTC)

Mars and i talked today..or..

Mars and i talked today..or tonight. We went to IHOP. It
was awesome. All we did was eat and read (wich was our
homework for class) I actually read almost everything
that i was suposed to. I got really confused on some
things. I do that alot when it comes to history or
Gov't. Mars helped alot by explaining it to me in her
words, wich i understood alot better than the mumble
jumble the book has in it. THe book is really a good one
though. They use better wording than the highschool
books. Mars just made it even easier to understand. She
also gave me some usless but interesting facts about what
i was reading. Sadly i had fun reading it. It was
intresting to me. Now i know why she was intrested in
it. She understood it better than me. The way she
explained it made it sound more like reality. The book
makes it sound like...well, history. I guess she can turn
the history into reality. I can not.
I talked to karen today to. I said something like "you
can lay down, i wont try anything." we were in the car.
She said a reason why she didn't want to. It had nothing
to do with me. i wanted to tell her that i wouldn't ever
do anything unless he initiated it. Even then i may not.
I would have told her except i didn't know how it would
make her feel. I was going to say it thinking that it
would comfert her to know that i wouldn't try anything.
Then i thought about it more and realized that it might do
the opposite. It may make her uncomfertable to know that
it hasn't droped out of my memory. I still think about it
sometimes. I'm do not regret it what so ever. It was
fun. Alot of fun. But i do regret that it made her
uncomfertable with me. I had started rubing her neck, i
know she has trouble with it. And wondered if it was
making her uncomfertable. I asked her if she wanted me to
stop. She said no so i guess that means it doesn't bother
her. wich is good concidering that she didn't tell me. I
like doing that though. The back of my neck always hurts
and reliefing the pain through someone else seems to help
me. I do it with rose and mars sometimes too. It seems
to hurt rose too much though. I don't think mars minds.
Thats really all i have to say this time around. I'm
gonna go to bed. Good night and sweat dreams.