Whenever * Whatever
2002-01-18 04:25:36 (UTC)

My Mind Tells Me....

What's up? I'm drawing a blank tonight. I just got in from
work & I really don't know what to say. I just have all
this mumbo jumbo going around in my brain & I don't know
how to take it. It's like....Am I seeing things the way
they really are OR is this just me being stupid?

Ronnie & I haven't really talked like we normally do in the
past four days. This never happens. I've been with him over
two years & I know when something is wrong. He denies that
anything is different, but how am I supposed to know that
for real? You can't be one way for 2 whole years & expect
someone to believe you aren't changing. My mind tells me
that he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. My
heart tells me nothing because I am too fucked up to know
what it's saying. All I know is I couldn't stand to lose
him. Sure I would deal with it, but I don't know how.

My parents are still havng these moods towards eachother. I
told them it was too soon to get back together. No one
listens to me though. I see the same exact things happening
all over again. My mind tells me that I'm about to go
through the same things I have my whole life. I refuse to
deal with it anymore. I simply won't do it.

Amanda & I are still the same. ~Lol~ We never change
towards eachother. Everything is wide open with us. She's
the only one I can really count on. My mind tells me it's
all good. ~Lol~

My friend Kisha & I are trying to get our plans together
for a conference in March. We both want to go. It's 4 days
long & really great. Hopefully we will both have the time &
energy to make it there. My mind tells me....don't hold
your breath.

Mike is moving to Iowa. He is my friend/ex-boyfriend from
Arizona. I am really happy for him. He needs to get away
from what he's used to & make his own life. Too many people
(family) try to run it for him back in Arizona. The thing
about him though is that he makes me feel so awesome about
myself. He's always there for me no matter what. He's one
of those guys that make great husbands & dads. My mind
tells me....Iowa will be awesome for Mike.