jonesenstein

Jonesenstein
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2002-01-18 03:42:35 (UTC)

11-30-01


Friday, November 30, 2001
Man, right in time.
I tell you. I don’t think I’m gonna believe in
coincidences anymore. Everytime something really bugs me,
something else comes along and helps me through it. For
instance, I was in TE class yesterday and I found something
from Walt Whitman that I think perfectly sums up my
feelings at the moment:
“Does he see himself in me? In these hours, does
he see the face of his hours reflected?”
--from “Hours Continuing Forth"
Wow. I mean that just sort of perfectly sums up what I
feel right now. I wonder if anyone actually thinks about
all this shit that I always think about all day and all
night. Apparently there is someone. Only he’s gay and
dead. But then I was reading Going Home by Dave Sim (yes,
him again) and he started talking about all of these
feelings he was getting after he was married. All about
how after being with a girl for so long that his eyes were
too keen not to see certain evils. He says something like
he was no longer innocent. He then went on to say stuff
about how God fits into everything. About how he can’t
help but be in awe at something that could create a being
with a will so free that it could deny the creator’s
existence. I gotta say, I agree wholeheartedly.
‘For it seemed to me that there was an ultimate
goal for man. Man was endeavoring to move beyond his
grotesque and bewildering rebellion against his own creator—
that divine and magnificent Creator who had allowed us, if
we so chose, to willfully oppose Him. Had allowed us to
invent ways to rid the human race of the ‘unnecessary’ and
thus strengthen the remainder to…… what? To demonstrate to
ourselves by the painful repercussions or our own
rebellious actions that each form of the rebellion merely
reinforced the Creator’s original and conscious lesson to
us—that, in seeking to circumvent Him, we merely postpone
the actuating of the highest gifts to enlightenment of
which we seek.
“Belief in circumstance is a mere instrument of
neutrality. There are people who say that circumstance
must have built the universe—why circumstance never built
so much as an anthill! The eternal singularity built the
anthill—and the universe as well. Circumstance,
coincidence, happenstance are the names we give to our
rebelliousness against our Creator…”
I thought it was pretty thought-provoking. He also
says in not so many words that women are neutral on almost
any subject. Because of this, they teach men to be and
because of this, there aren’t many men creating much of
anything nowadays, “[Love] is not a thing that grows up
around a maturing you—it’s a wall an active you runs up
against.”
Deep.


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