Tuesday, November 27, 2001
I kind of like this having no job thing. I mean,
yeah, it gets kind of boring, and I find a million ways to
stall whatever it is I am supposed to be doing (like
writing to you) but it gives me time to think about stuff.
For instance, did you notice that I never really
talk about what’s going on right now? I always talk about
what I want to happen or what should happen, or what’s
going to happen or what did happen. I never say anything
about what is going on in my life this second. If I do
mention it, I only mention it because it affects the way I
think things will turn out. That’s probably why I haven’t
really enjoyed college that much. That’s probably why I’ll
never really enjoy a whole lot of life—because I’m always
thinking about it.
Hmmm… Maybe if I go somewhere after graduation,
cut all ties, then I can come back and really enjoy myself.
Also, I figured out why I don’t think marriage is a
good thing. They were discussing it on a little chat group
I’m in and no one cold figure out why a person should get
married. That is, no one could give me a reason why
marriage is better than nonmarriage (other than for legal
reasons). Then I heard an argument of someone saying that
marriage is a final way of saying that you love that person.
I thought, “what a strange thing to say.” Marriage
is a finality, it’s supposed to be a beginning. It kept
going through my mind until I finally came to the
conclusion that I don’t like marriage because a lot of
people do view it as a final way. It’s like, if I get
married, Lindsay will simply stop saying she loves me
because she’s already proven it. She’s taken the vows.
That. Is. It. Or worse yet, I will stop trying to prove
to Lindsay that I love her because I took the vows.
It seems that everywhere I look, I see people more
in love with each other before their married. Of course,
maybe it’s like my graph.
I never showed you my graph?! It’s a cool
mathematical thing for being in love.
Here it is:
(it is two curved lines going toward but never touching
each other. I cannot show it in this format)
The lines represent emotion. The axes represent
(emotional) distance and time. As you can see, the more
time goes on, the more the two grow together. However, the
y-axis is an asymptote. The emotions of the guy and girl
never actually meet. They will come very close over time.
Also notice how at the beginning of the relationship (near
the x-axis) they are very far apart. The get close very
quickly and eventually, it takes a love longer for them to
get any closer.
See, I used to think it was linear. But that
cannot be because then you would cross each other and
become the other person. That would be bad.
Anyway, I should get started on my paper.