Dreaming Of Everything
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2002-01-18 02:16:57 (UTC)

I was just doin' my thang.

And then I was yelled at, beaten and mentally
abused!!!!!!!! Yeah, my dad is being an ass agian! Last
night, I had to go and spend the night at Kristen's house
because I just couldn't take it. I tried to kill myself on
Sunday night. I have the scars from it. I didn't even
know I did it until I was sitting in my room bleeding. It
was so weird. yeah, but now I'm okay...for now...or until
someone decides to push me over the edge again. I told
Billy Bob about the whole deal, and he was like "don't EVER
try to kill yourself again" and then he said "tomorrow, I'm
giving you a hug and I'm seeing your scratches" which
makes me feel good. Then he said that he "loves" (he used
the word!) talking to me because I know how to make him
laugh and have a good time. That makes me feel so good!!!
Guys, I'm going to try and lose some weight over the summer
and stuff so I can come back to the new school year, as a
junior, and yeah...Which means I have to get a job sometime
so I can pay for the fee to go to the community center
whenever I want, start drinking more water and less soda,
eating less, eating healthier, and doing exercise. I can
do this!! okay, I'm listening to "Eye Of The Tiger"...you
know the theme song from "Rocky", maybe that's why I'm
getting so motivated just sitting here. I'm gonna do this
to try and get the depression out of me. I could buy the
Tae-Bo tapes too..people say that stuff works. I have this
Tai-Funk Aerobics thing...tho I don't really like it that
much...lol. Maybe if I actually did it, I would like it,
lol. I can never ever stick to anything and I hate that!
I know it would be selfish to take my own life...I kinda
see that. I get it and I didn't see that until Billy Bob
told me. I just don't know what to say. My show, ER, is
coming on soon...so I'd better go..buhbye people!!

The title of this entry is "I was just doin' my thang," and
it's from "Up Against The Wall" by *N Sync (the tightest
song!!!!) It has a cool dance to it!! the song is so cool!
It's the best!

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