Realizations of a 24yr old convict
2001-04-16 22:05:37 (UTC)


this is an endless entry that could be A hunderd
thousand seperate enrtys but who knows where they seperate
where they end, where the next begin
Im a hopless romantic, so hopless. I spend my time
watching so called chick flixs about true love and freak
fates hand they say planes missed, letters lost,
conversations overheard, glances between strangers, all in
some remote way leading to love that real love, illogical,
mismatched, unpredictable, yet perfect.
I had it once so real that it still hurts today even
after all these years.So real that now when people discuss
love i dismiss it as trivial conversation What could these
fools know of love only once in conversation have i gazed
apon a man who when he spoke of his love his eyes adorned
the truth of his joy and pain and sinserity.I shant speak
apon this mans love but please indulge me as i ramble of a
love I once knew a love so real as to make romeo and his
fair julette seem puppyish and niaeve.
Ihad never conteplated a future w/o this love any
mental image of the future would have her scribed it into
even before the vision would come to focus a perfect image
of her in a blurred srounding.I wandered the isles of the
enfamous hallmark store and after carfully searching each
card and buying none, hours wasted i think not the
realization that no fraile sentiments or any words, all
words, nothing could convey what i beheld.
So now i date these divas goddam pre modonnas and yes i
love things about them their shinny clothes their perfumed
bodies and simple things that make me smile, make me seem
trully happy.the way they brush their hair back with
painted fingernails somtimes they utter the perfect words
at the perfect times. But i also see their souls and they
do not move mine, i dont long for them, i wont cry when
they leave. And Ive spoken on true fear before and once
since her i thought love had touched my soul but it was
different and when i was brave enuff to utter the words i
ran before she could respond (Literaly) but it was
different and in long conversation with this man this man i
spoke of before
he had had this second love sara love as he refered to it
and in silance we contemplated the same question, horrable
and the final staw if it shall ring true. Is this sara love
this different shade of love to be our fate our tragic fate
Before in a letter to girly i said i would go through all
the pain again to feel that youth.that comes from this
In a conversation with this man we spoke of all things we
loved and lived for skating and drinking, fishing,
motorcross, family all things under the sun, and he posed a
question somthing to the effect of having to sacrifice some
to keep others and i could only answer that i would lay
them all to rest forever for a day with her a day in the
past fuck it 10 mins. Just to know that feeling again to
rember, no not to rember but to feel it.