BigBearLover

UCLA Bear Chasing
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2002-01-17 23:44:27 (UTC)

Tricky

Thursday, January 17 2002. 3:22PM

Playlist: Tricky - "Overcome,"
"Ponderosa,"
"Black Steel,"
"Hell is Around the Corner"
"Pumpkin"

So i guess it's been a while since I last wrote, and what I
last wrote wasn't exactly comprehensive :)

I saw Courtney and Matt last night and we went to Weho to
hang out. We went to the Out of the Closet Coffee Bar,
where I got tested and bought a Structure shirt for less
than the square root of the original price.

I'm kinda worried about the results. It's so tough to ever
know for certain.

Tuesday I went to the Beverly Center with my sister and
realized my not having a job is impacting my buying power,
which seems like a "duh!" statement, but it's the first
time I've had to say, "No, I can't afford it," to clothes
that I really wanted. We had on Monday a talk about our
parents. They're driving her nuts. I expressed my desire to
NOT go home over summer even if it means flying to Florida
and living with Matt and Wade, or selling my body, or
whatever.

Matt now knows of my sometimes feelings of resentment, and
all the negative shit I feel about us when I'm having a bad
day or worrying. He's happy I told him because it keeps
communication lines open.

Nothing new with my perversions. Same stuff happens:
looking at porno, jacking off, whatever. My extreme desires
being quelled by my roots in reality; my fears jumping on
themselves with wonder if my extreme desires will ever be
quelled by justifying them within reality: taking that
leap, going that far.

Well, anyway, well...anyway. well--anyway.


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