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2002-01-17 21:04:02 (UTC)

premonitions that come true

i figured out what my bad grandpa, and uncle
are both now on their deathbed but i think that my grandpa
will be the first to go.....i had a dream last night so real
that i had to keep telling myself that it was only a
dream....six strong men helped to carry the coffin from the
chapel. just seeing them struggle with the weight brang
tears to my eyes. there i was looking like a perfect fool
completely unprepared for real life. ready or not has no
meaning. time itself has became electrified,
every second, standing on end. i could see my grandmother
in the doorway of the chapel, a look of heartbreak on her
face, the coffin being carried even closer......this is not
the sort of thing that bothers me...i have a talent for
blocking out bad news...all i would have to do is close my
eyes and count to 100......however i was not closing my i wish it wouldnt have easy it
would have been to go on thinking about nothing to ignore
death and fate and the possibility that a life can be easily
shaken to its core........that is how you know u have left
childhood behind....when you wish for time to go
backwards.....but its too late that....whether i like it or
not, im sitting there under the gray and mournful sky, and my
eyes are wide open..............

another thing that got to me was today in envrionmental
science and talkin about how our species will be the one to
go extinct first and that in another 50 years all the species
remaining now will be decreased by half.....well the teacer
got pissed at me because i said i didnt
care.......well.....its not that i dont care.....its just
there are more important things to worry about than whats
going to happen 50 years down the road.....hey we might not
even last that long...hell we could all just die
tomorrow......death is not something planned.....when it
wants us it gonna take us despite the fact if we are ready
or not............right?????

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