jclair

Clair
2019-03-19 11:41:03 (UTC)

growing up

Good Morning Diary,

Ok so waking up this morning was better. Not so many sulking thoughts lingering around. It is impressive the amount of work that can be completed when your mind is steadfast on not wandering. With 2 SCR's hitting the status report and a completed PTR, I am on my way to work on end of year accomplishments. Dont get me started on why my supervisor is as incompetent as fuck to do this. (screams)

The morning was brisk today. I had not planned on taking a ride. Michael is testing this week for a certification and I absently mindedly agreed to exercise Tornado and Hurricane. It was a little awkward and intimidating to hold a crop. I wonder if the newly immersing 'me' gives off the stance I would use it....or is it more of a visual reminder to both horses that its a possibility. Michael and I are so different in the way we treat animals. Tornado has learned that I am not a fan of using the crop and has made amazing progress with me over the past year. Is that possible with Hurricane also? I would love to believe so, but again I am honestly clueless. Regardless, I rode with one this morning and felt as if the clipped wings I walked about with last year have begun to spread out and open once more. Nothing will ever be as it was with Blossom. I completely understand that. Those occasional thoughts of ownership have been creeping in my mind as of late. While I enjoy being free of the obligation, I also miss it. I had thought the freedom would give me time to explore , travel and open myself to possibilities that I had not dreamed of before.I suppose this is one of those cornerstone moments that I must determine if NC will be my forever home and where I leave my footprint, or if I am still willing to relocate and explore new things.

Adulting sucks.




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