bunbun

mostly weird
2019-01-23 11:41:59 (UTC)

Resolutions

It’s been a while since I last wrote here. I guess I am desperate to let this out of my chest through writing. Although I’ve already told this to my friends, I feel like it wasn’t enough.

So I’m not gonna write the whole story anymore because I don’t want to relive it in my mind. But, for the purpose of entertainment in the future, I’m gonna share bits—because that’s all I remember. So I got drunk at this party, so much that I ended up blacking out. When I woke up the next morning I literally forgot almost everything that happened while I was drunk. Although there’s this “dream” that I was making out with this guy, my friend, who I HAD a crush on when I met him, but not anymore. Anyway the next morning everything felt normal except for the questions of how I was feeling, and comments of “good thing you were able to go to work today”. I saw the guy from the dream a lot of times that day and we were okay. 2 days after the party I found out from a friend that I ACTUALLY made out with the guy. And apparently, I initiated the kiss. Long story short, got drunk again that night but remembered everything. Texted the guy that I was sorry. For some fucking reason I thought that was a good thing to do. Because you know I initiated it. He replied a day after and told me he was sorry too, and that he was so drunk he couldn’t remember some of the things he did that night. Thinking about it now. I should not have texted him. Because we were both drunk. It didn’t mean anything and we both know it. I don’t even remember the whole fucking thing. And now I constantly think about that night and how stupid I was. That’s the story.

I just have to tell myself to forget the things I don’t even remember. Let go of the useless things— stupid mistakes that I’ve learned from already. Be not stupid. Don’t think about it too much because it does not matter. It never mattered. It was stupid. That’s it. Done.

Call this a new year’s resolution, a yearly new year’s resolution; although I hope this year I actually do it. I have a strong feeling I can make it this year because I have a lot of goals this year. More goals, more resolution.
I will make time for things that are important. Don’t mind what others can do now because in the future I’ll be able to do the same (I hope).
I’m gonna focus on achieving my most important goal first. Love can wait for another 6 months, or rather I can wait for love after that time. If it comes sooner than planned, I’m still gonna focus on my main goal, because like what they say, love waits right???? Anyway, it’s not like it’s gonna happen soon because I’ve dipped in the water waded around and yup, no luck in that area. Again, I don’t need that right now anyway.
Talk to the people who made me, me. Be grateful to the people who helped me go and grow through everything. Don’t be a bitch because people come and go, even the ones who have actually stayed. Cherish.
Believe. Believe that I can.

See. I guess writing really is therapeutic.




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