Screened In Porch

Life in general
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2018-03-13 00:24:56 (UTC)

Deeper thoughts tonight

I know that I must begin to get out of here more, not only to just get out of the house but I need to be in an environment where
I have conversations with others. I find it harder to communicate. Probably because I do not talk to many people any at all during the
day and when I go out on my ventured, I am alone. I do not enjoy listening to the radio too much either because of my hearing loss,
but I do wear one aid in my left ear. I can talk to people when given the chance. I sometimes have to weed out words I hear and
replace with what word seems more appropriate.

I thought about maybe taking a art class or something like that. I will be looking into this soon. If not an art class, I will find
something. I need an environment where I do not sit and listen, but interact with others. I thought about church too....
still pondering this to see what I come up with.

I also think it is time to go talk to a councilor therapist....someone to work through the sexual assaults...and see if I can learn to
deal with it and move past it. I need to stop dwelling on things I can not change. I did not press charges for a reason. Being
somewhere I should not have been and doing stuff I should not have been doing....information I would not want to get out....
all of it...made me an easy target. They knew it too. I need to learn how to respond to this situation if someone ever does
bring it up too me. Simply saying "well this is none of your business" won't do a thing but turn it back onto me. Surely to
God no one will want to believe that any woman would go out looking for something like this....they may think....I deserved it...
possibly since they would not know many details...just words...that say that It happened....not placing any blame anywhere
although I feel I am blaming myself too much.

Being attacked when you have had too much to drink....or being drugged so you have no memory of something is
an attack on you....not something you wanted. No joy or pleasure for me...just regret and pain...and misery. Worry....etc.
I must talk to someone about all this. I will take care of that too. And I will do this soon.

The death of one of them....is a trigger to the rest of it.

Feeling safer because I see a name listed in obits....just is way too much time to wait....for the relief....
I need. But I do feel safer.

It is so cold here today......the soup and cornbread was great....
I even made an apple pie.