Therapist

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2018-03-09 03:06:02 (UTC)

flower

sometimes I daydream of a man just ringing my doorbell and bringing me flowers out of the blue. I dream of having a great date night without having awkward tension between us. because I am that awkward person. I want to have the courage to move on. and this time lock the door behind me because I deserve that... at least that... now many will say "that's so materialistic of you"no. it's the thought that shows. I guess the 5 love languages, people have different ways of love, some love with words, some love with materialistic shit (show of acts of love) the love of touch I think and I forgot the other 2. I like the freaky stuff but hate the hardships of relationship, but I know deep in myself. I know best. I would give my best and stay loyal. I lasted 1 month... my longest relationship was 1 month that's because I was unsure he was unsure about me and that's why he gave it a shot. sadly for all the wrong reasons. When you love someone, you'd do just about anything to be with that person that you want to know every detail about them, what they like and hopes you make them happy. sometimes I lay in the dark to think what I fucked up on, I did fuck up. But I need to lock the door before I just get lost in that dark room. I need to go out and see the world. meet at least another friend in this city. so far I only have 2... I am about to transfer to a university I want that experience. I sit and wonder if he thinks of me, but then I come to think of it, he could give two shits about me. he fucked over my feeling, I disagree with lina because I know only me, what I felt and how he felt, he was a narcissist. I hate to say it, but he was, and I had low self-esteem issues, that I finally had a boyfriend. which I didn;t know how to "keep" or what to do with one because I liked my solitude, now I sit in my room in the dark, thinking if a guy is out there thinking of how amazing I am, I sound desperate, see my friends with these flowers and gifts, and pictures on dates, having the times of their lives while I sit behind a computer screen and give into the "like" button. I have to get over it. I have to. I hate and I know you hate it too, but this whole first boyfriend type shit was whack. I kinda know what I want.is it true people change for what or WHO they want in life???

take things slow..is what he's givning that other girl. i want to take things slow... dates, he only gave me the shits




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