Todayy

A southern life
2018-03-06 02:20:25 (UTC)

Competition and I guess sexual harassment?

Sometimes I forget that I’m not a man. I forget that I don’t have the same benefits as them.
I don’t mean that like I forget that I have a vagina. It’s just when I think of achieving something and doing better than people my first thought is to do better than a man. Like let’s say when you day dream and you think of this wild fantasy about being super rich and then you’d come back and rub it in everyone’s face. Who do you immediately think of? Like who is the first person you would rub your money in? Is it your bully? Is a old friend? Or the cashier at Walmart? Who? See that’s like where I’m like I would rub it his and his and his face! Like it’s mostly guys who I rub off my success to.
I don’t do it to be mean or anything but like I automatically think of them as my compatition. I think “wait if he can do it then I can definitely do it”.
Then like at random moments I think wait you can’t compare a woman to a man. Like you just can’t. I mean in somethings you can. But they are both very different creatures. Just because they are different doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be equal.
It hit me like right now. Why do I want to be better than the men in my life? Why do I see them as competition?
Why not the woman in my life? Like if I had to compete against a man or woman I would choose to compete against a man. But like why? I don’t hate them. I just want to be better than them (well not all of them just the ones in my life. But like I said you cant compare men and woman.) so like why do I even bother to have the need to compete with them? I don’t hate them. I’m straight so I want to one day have kids and get married and have adventures with one.
One of my main goals in life is not end up rapped and murdered in a ditch. I’m going to be honest all of the things I do I can’t like this small mini panic attack of like “oh shit what if i get rapped?” Like I went to this concert by myself and I was like “oh shit i can’t park to far away because if I do and walk the street all by myself at night I could get rapped” I hate that I have to live with that anxiety. You know what sucked more about that night besides me worrying getting rapped was that the concert allowed drinking so there were a lot of drunk guys and I even saw one grab this girls butt while she was with her boyfriend and she didn’t do anything and he went back to drinking beer with his friends and laughing. Like fucking asshole. Why do guys do that? Like why rape and touch girls without permission? Fuckig assholes. I know not all men are like that. And I know men get rapped too and it’s a lot harder for them to speak up. It’s just sucks like why rape in the first place? Why touch something you’re not suppose to? It’s wrong no matter what the hell you classify yourself as.




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