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2018-02-15 10:39:31 (UTC)

People come, I push them away.

The way you speak sends me into a spiral. My shell begins to crack, showing all my insecurities that I try so hard to hide away from the world. You make me feel like I'm a child with zero experience of the world. Each and every time you choose to do this, I feel like my world has crumbled.

I feel like I over apologise to you all the time. Shit, you could force me to the ground and kick me, I bet I'd still say sorry.

I wonder if you got me all wrong. You've known me for so long I can't see how you'd have read me wrong. I feel like such a disappointment to you. Do you regret me? I have a feeling that you do. Nothing I can prove, mind you. Your body language screams volumes.

Do you feel stuck with me? Because of the situation you find yourself in? I wonder if you even want me near you. I've stopped fantasising about you, intimately. We both know you don't want me in that way. I know you've done this before, you've told me how much of a joke he was after realising within a short space of time how much you hated him and didn't want to be with him. Yet you continued to cohabit with him for months.

Is that what you're doing with me?

I wonder what we'll become in the future, if we even have a future. You told me you wanted this to never change. I reassured you that it wouldn't, that I'd never stop feeling this way. I guess I held up my side.

I'm up with the kites in a dream so blue, I live in the sky, you come live here too.