One big beautiful daily accident.
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2018-02-01 10:42:51 (UTC)

Do I suffocate or let go?

Constant fantasies roll through my head on a daily basis. The rush of thoughts enter my brain the second I see a moving vehicle, "If I'm quick, maybe it the driver won't have time to avoid me". When I walk over a bridge, "Would 4 stories kill me? Or just break the majority of my bones?".

Buying a car should be a positive thing, a sense of freedom, growing up, so to speak. The only thing I think about when buying a car is driving above the speed limit directly into a tree. Maybe I'd even unbuckle my seat belt, just to be sure.

These are my life goals now. The constant reminder that I'm not good enough, that we're circling the drain, slowly being filtered into the waste. I'm unsure if you even know that I feel this way. I'm unsure if anyone understands that this is the way I feel.

Maybe you were right, maybe I really am two people.

Tell me how to feel about you now.