✉My Letter To The World✉
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2018-01-23 00:23:17 (UTC)

Monday lives up to it's reputation

Mood: Ugh
Song: Live like you were dying by Kris Allen
Color: Green

This has been a bad day.

It started with long frustrating conversations with my dad about the church and how he wants to leave and how he wants to put the house for sell and get the hell out of here, which i'm not against but he want's me to get out before then, which i'm also not against but it just feels scary and broken and i'm tired of all the crap that's been going on....Like when do we get to be okay? when do things get to work out for us?
it seems like we are never out of crises and then....
Tammy came to the house and was here for several hours where dad was spilling his guts and telling her everything including the stuff about moving which he said that i couldn't talk about and i got so angry and frustrated and then he has the nerve to shut me out?
to ignore me by watching some stupid tv show while he knows i have questions and concerns and he knows i wanted to talk to him and i just don't think that it was okay for him to act that way.

i only asked him for one thing today, that he would tell me before he told other people about him wanting to move, he said he would and then immediately went back on his word the first chance he got, the first person outside his family that he freaking talked today.
like what the hell?
I'm tired....so freaking tired.
I don't want to freaking be here, but i'm sick of the way he's acing today...spout off what ever he wants and then doesn't listen to me or anyone else and then shuts me out.

well fine, but i will say whatever i want to whom ever i want and your words and feelings about it be damned because that's the way you treated me today.
when i have done nothing today but be there for you, try to help you, listen to you go on and on.
Listen to Tammy go on and on,
I am talked out, i'm tired of talking.
i'm tired of listing to bull crap.

Monday lives up to it's reputation of sucking....and i asked dad when do we get to be okay....and he said "on the other side" meaning death.
and i just raised my eye brows and said "so life sucks and then you die?' and he's like yeah basically and i just go well thanks for that. and then ask why he told Tammy about the moving stuff after we had literally just had the conversation about not talking about it and that's when he turned on his stupid tv show and started to ignore my presence, and then after a couple of minutes he started trying to talk about the tv show of all things and that's when i left, angry and just done with him for the moment, done with this day, done with these people in this shitty little town.

Lets go, lets run while we are still alive because it's killing us.
Lets get away while we still can, far away.
I don't care if we don't have a plan anything is better than this, anywhere is better than here.

I love my Dad but sometimes he frustrates me more than anyone...and he's pulling a lot of that lately.