✉My Letter To The World✉
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2018-01-03 21:04:43 (UTC)

Job Searching and Self Sabotage

Mood: Determined
Song: Smile by R5
Color: Purple

well the good news is that i woke up today feeling a lot better, you know not half dead and like i was hungover when i wasn't even drinking so that's already an improvement on the day and my mood.
So i took a chance at a job opportunity today and i always hope i get the Job but then my anxiety always says something like "i hope they say no" which is ridiculous because i need the Job, want the job, want to save money want to do well in life and so it's a self sabotage and if you have anxiety you might understand where i'm coming from but if not you'll probably think i sound absolutely crazy....which isn't untrue in of it's self lol.

i Don't understand myself sometimes.
and it's really frustrating to live with this sort of anxiety....like it's constant and i hate situations that are outside my control or situations where things are left unknown or i don't know what's expected of me, and i'll be one of those people that can't stop thinking about it and obsessing over it, i won't eat or sleep until the situation has passed because it bothers me that much.... it literally interrupts my life and my well being and that's not okay you know?
People shouldn't have to deal with things like that....but they do and there's no medication or solution to it, you have better days and you have worse day's but it's never completely gone, there's always that voice in the back of your mind saying you won't succeed, that you can't that you shouldn't try ect.
there's always that anxiousness.....
and the only thing you can do about it is, fight through it, do the things that scare you and that are out of your comfort zone anyway because you have to, because you need to, because your life is better when you get out of your own fear and your own mind.
You have to fight it, everyday.
You have to remember that you aren't dying even if you feel like it....and that your going to be okay.
Stay strong, Stay determined, Stay hopeful for the good things to come...and fight until you reach them and then fight again