Thawing Heart
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2018-01-03 14:11:33 (UTC)

Life atm


So I’m sat having my lunch break.. minus the lunch and figured I’d do a quick entry and I do mean quick since I’m freezing my hands off!

Things at the moment are hard (when are they not!) I hate January anyway, barely see daylight since it’s dark when I get up and leave the house and it’s dark when I leave work in the evening. seasonal affective disorder just sucks in general, I say it every year.
New Years was.. probably one of the worst I’ve ever had. I chose not to go out and I wish I had because instead I spent it alone, in my room feeling sad and lonely and like life isn’t worth it. Because in those moments it isn’t.

Kinda come to the realisation that I’m starting this year out having lost some close friends which sucks. I don’t know if it’s me.. or them but I try and make the effort and be the best friend I can and I’m just being frozen out. It hurts. I cried most of Saturday, not just because of that but me and I got into an arguement as well. Just felt/feel so fed up of it all.

Kinda thinking about going to the doctors about my anxiety because it’s getting to the point where I’m not coping with it and going to work is getting harder. Talking to people and doing my job seems impossible sometimes. I want to talk to Mum about it but I don’t really know how and honestly I guess I’m scared that she will say I’m being stupid again. I can just go on my own but idk I guess I’d like the support and I don’t even know if there’s anything they can do since I won’t go on medication.. idk

Right literally cannot feel my fingers so wrapping this up