(almost) Daily Blather
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2018-01-03 12:46:52 (UTC)

A new year We are at the start of a brand new year. So much potential, as with every new year's beginning. I gave up making resolutions many years ago. They are pointless, especially if they are made while celebrating the approaching "drop of the ball". A time when many are a tad bit incapacitated by various liquid refreshments. (Not judging, merely pointing out a fact)

But, for me at least, making resolutions was always a joke. Hell, I would never remember what I resolved by the next day in most cases. I wouldn't remember them because deep down I had no desire to follow through. So my last resolution, which surprisingly enough has actually lasted, was to never make a resolution again.

With that being said, how do I want 2018 to go for me? I hope to be a bit less negative. Less negative in my perceptions of what all is going on around me. I have let things well up inside of me, eating away at my gut, making me more and more bitter. This is not healthy, physically or emotionally. I had a few events I participated in this last month that have let me see things a bit differently. I put on a Santa suit and saw the wonderment through the eyes of young children. Wonderment that I have allowed to leave me many years ago.

How I am going to bring back that wonderment is unclear at the moment.

I hope to be less negative in my postings on here. In the past I have used this as my place to scream, rant, and rave. I did it here so I could get it out and not have to deal with my reality. But, I need to figure out how to deal with that stuff. Again, not sure how I am going to go about it.

This year I am eligible to retire from my job. I want to do it SOOOOO bad. However, I am not financially set to be able to do it. For the last 30 years my wife have explained how we couldn't afford to save. And me being the obedient husband said "okay", and now it is coming back to bite us in the ass. I can't put this all on her. If I had had the balls and backbone to do what really needed done I would not be in this exact situation. Hell, I may have already been divorced and remarried to a sane person.

Hindsight is 20/20.

So, do I look for a new job that I will enjoy, that pays way less than I make now? Where I would have to hope they have insurance so I don't have to cover my present health insurance without the company discounts? Or do I stay here? Here, where I make more than I should, have insurance (that is continually being lessened almost daily) but the environment is becoming more and more hostile, and I feel I am being mentally drained? Decisions, decisions.