2018-01-03 12:24:00 (UTC)

Unwanted

I wish people would understand how lonely and unwanted I feel. I lost a friend, because I guess he couldn't deal with me anymore. Why? Why do I constantly push people away? Why can't I be happy? Normal? Someone other than me? I see people laughing, being happy and I just so much wish that I was them. But I'm not. Something inside of me is broken, hurt, crushed. Sometimes I feel like if I was to disappear that no one would miss me. It is to the point where I don't want to feel anymore. I want to be numb, uncaring, like all the bastards that come and go in my life and never look back. I'm messed up, screwed up and I just want to let go off this all so badly, to just walk out and say to hell with it, but instead I just bottle it up and close myself off. Eventually I will feel nothing at all....