Icarus

A path to the skies and even beyond...
2018-01-03 09:48:40 (UTC)

Elämä Jatkuu...

Out of every phase. Cleanup complete. After I came back to my homeplace, I went outside her uni, waiting for her to see what the hell shall happen with this case. I met some of my brother's friends who do know her and told me that probably she is done with her studies and that she was there many days ago. I thought it was useless to stay anymore and went away. I made some calls, of course no answer, classic stuff. Days passed by. 52 days complete disappearance. Absolutely nothing like if she's dead, killed or smth.
After X-mas, I wrote an enormous letter telling her everything, plus that this is my final and conclusive move. This was my swan song. I wrote to her literally everything regarding how much I love her, how much I want to be with her and what plans I have in my mind for a better life. My cousin read this shit and she told me "Will you marry me?" - I said inside of myself that if it can't bend her, nothing will.
During the year change, I prayed to god, Jesus and Holy Mary for her. To protect her and keep her alright. I thought that she is dead or in deep crisis or in a melancholic state.
Yesterday my brother called me. She called him out of the blue. She told him that she is at the same city that I am now since X-mas... That she is still with him and she is planning to travel to my homeplace at a date near my brother's birthday. She is moving now to a new house with her "boy-toy" and that she shall continue her studies and stay with him. Nice. Masterpiece.
She also said; "I shall call your brother at a later stage and talk to him". Oh really??? After all these things happened? Seriously?
Unfortunately for her I am out of this game. I'm sick and tired. I am tired of trying to find a person who's disappearing for months randomly. I am tired of loving someone that is telling me that she wants to abandon her misery, crying into my arms and complaining about her pointless life with him, but with no will or power to finish this kind of destruction like I did with my ex. She has sentenced her own self to eternal misery. I'm out. Besides that, I have changed my phonenumber. She had her chances and opportunities to save herself 4 years now. I tried my very best. I've been waiting, looking for her, trying for her, doing the very best of me for her until today. There is nothing else to be done at this stage and probably never again.
I love her so much. But I also have self-respect and dignity to my own self. Recovery shall take long time, I am absolutely sure about this. But there is no other way. I have to deal with it no matter what.
I feel so dead inside. But... I have to go. It's over.
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