My Letter To The World
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2018-01-03 04:33:51 (UTC)

Sick and Search Motivation?

Mood: More alert
Song: None
Color: Copper

So I felt so exhausted earlier this evening and i fell asleep for a few hours and i slept hard, i haven't slept that hard in a long time and i woke up a little after 9PM and i was really disoriented like what time is it? is it still Tuesday or is it the early hour of Wednesday? rolled over grabbed my phone and squinted at the screen saw the time and was tempted to just roll back over and go to sleep but i knew if i did that i'd wake up at like 3 in the morning and not go back to sleep, thus why i am awake now and writing this.
I really should get a night Job and just sleep during the day....i sleep better during the day that i do at night it seems.
So today i have written, Had to return some dishes to a friend, felt terrible, watched YouTube videos, Watched the Book Thief (10/10 Recommend the book)
The only thing i've eaten today is cereal and i'm tempted to find some dinner but i don't want to be sick again....... it's not worth it.

I searched My biological parents and came up with Email addresses that i'd not seen before....should i try sending emails to those addresses and see what happens? should i leave it well enough alone? I don't know what motivates me, to my knowledge they haven't changed but every so often i find myself searching them, and most of the time i am okay in the knowledge of knowing where they are and that they are alive and i remain silent never making contact.... staring at their names and ages, their past addresses and phone numbers wondering if they have ever searched for me like i have them, or if they have thought of me as often as i have them.
Now my curiosity resides more with my Biological father who i know less about....But still i haven't tried to reach out to him....
It's scary having to make the choice between staying silent and opening a can of worms.
I don't know what motivates my searching..... i guess i just want the chance to contact them.....if i ever want the chance to contact them.