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2018-01-01 14:14:16 (UTC)

1st of January 2018!

1st of January 2018!

I am happy Christmas is over and that 2018 has arrived. I really don't like the end of the year... I like the idea of beginning... Beginning a new year, beginning new things. As you know, my husband is miles away and my daughter and I stayed at home celebrating the New Year. It couldn't be more enthusiastic... I had a break from my parents... They wanted us going to their apartment but is so boring as it is boring here as well. I wanted us to be in our home because even though their apartment is downtown it would be like when we used to go to the beach. We also had some arguments there as well. Family, you know...

Although my husband is currently living in England we speak everyday. Most of the time it is me who calls him. I am the perfect wife always running after him. He says I have my phone on mute all the time but this is an excuse for him to tell me he is busy... He is always busy. So frustrating sometimes, believe me. But to start the New Year I have decided he could call me and I would not answer for a change. I wanted to scare him just for a moment... I was angry with his statement: "Do you have any news?" Oh, well... I don't have any news... Where did I go if I was at home, in my place waiting for the New Year to arrive, for the clock tic!

As if it was not enough, my daughter was disappointed to be at home. She wanted to be in a crowded place... at the beach. I explained to her we are not rich. That she studies in a private school because of her grandfather that pays it for us. I tried to make her to understand that it is necessary some effort to achieve things and that she is young and soon she will be in a new stage in her life. I guess she understood it. In fact, I tried to comfort her because I am afraid of future as well. But how could I tell her that? I have to be her support, her stability. She is very down to earth but then I find it difficult when her friends from school live a different life, a more interesting life.

I try most of the time to convince myself that these years ahead will finish and then maybe things will change but I have doubts. My husband says sometimes I am negative but I call it realistic. I am realistic. The reality right now is that we are apart, living in different countries... and it seems to me that I suffer more than him because of that. I am as I said before the one who misses the other most.

My husband wants my daughter to finish secondary school in Brazil. Here we call "Ensino Médio". For me, we would go to England and would stay with him but it is not like it works. We need to save money for that. So, future is uncertain at the moment.

Changing the subject, my parents came here today to walk in the path, in the garden. I guess it was good we all had a break from each other. Tomorrow they will come here so that we have lunch together. I wonder what would be my life without my parents... I am not ready to find the answer. I need time to change my life. I really want to change my life but we need time to make it happen.

So, my goals for this coming year is to live day by day. Each day, like today, I will find the strength to continue life, to continue my path even though I am not sure what it will happen, I will have to wait and see. However, I must confess that I really like the numbers 2 0 1 8! One near closer to decide my future.

One foot ahead in the future! Good energy people, good energy for all of us."

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of 365 page book. Write a good one" (Brad Paisley)

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