Anastasia Romanov

Words Fail In A Crowd Of Thousands
2017-12-22 21:17:33 (UTC)

Once again I am disappointed that I woke ..

Once again I am disappointed that I woke up to another day. It's not fair that there are people who are battling illnesses that can take their life away and they so badly want to stay alive but I'm here not wanting to live. It's unfair to them. They deserve life. I wish I could give them mine.

Mom pushed me away again when I tried to hug her.
Dad yelled at me over not returning my textbooks. Last night he gave me a dirty look that I can't get out of my head because I didn't go to Coinstar with my friend. He wanted me to turn his coins into cash so he could buy my mom a present (yeah, that's how broke we are). Fuck you dad. Fuck you. It's not my fault. I wasn't even the one driving. I hate you.
Christian just said I'm desperate for attention. Fuck you.
Yesterday Isabella kept arguing with me as if I OWED her for driving us around. First of all, she is always the one who invites me out. She knows I can't drive. She knows I don't even have a car. But she was the one who invited me out. Then tries to act like I owe her the world for driving. Fuck you. I didn't ask to go out. She did. She really isn't a good friend emotionally and mentally. I don't feel like I can trust her. I don't feel like I can trust anyone.
I told things to Sheila and Victoria and all they did was nod and smile. They never really have responses to anything which is why I don't tell them anything because it's like talking to a fucking wall. Can barely have conversations with them.
Lolo stole things from us again what's new.

Whatever. These past couple days I haven't been feeling drained like I usually do when I hang out with people. I haven't gotten headaches. I woke up with chest pain this morning though. Weird. I just feel angry.
I feel like I will never find good wholesome friends. I know there are people in the world who I would get along with perfectly but I don't think I'll ever find them. I feel like all my old friends are forgetting me. I'm not important to them anymore.
I really don't see the point in anything anymore. I feel like I just don't care about a lot of things as much as I used to.




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