My Letter To The World
To bottom ↓
To top ↑
RSS subscribe

my-diary.org tip jar

Ad 0:
yX Media - Monetize your website traffic with us

2017-12-22 16:05:56 (UTC)

Stupid things that cause me Anxiety

Mood: Anxious
Song: Dear Maria Count me in By All Time Low
Color: Light Green

I am anxious right now because my dad will soon be under going the test that will tell if his lung function numbers are up or down or the same, and if they are up he will get to come home for Christmas and i'm here waiting for the freaking phone call from my mother telling me how things went, but as i'm stuck here in a hotel room with no car and nowhere to go feeling anxious my anxiety sort of takes a domino effect and i started getting anxious about stupid things and it got me thinking about a list of things that i have anxiety about that are just plain stupid to have anxiety over yet, i always do and it never stops...or at least it hasn't and i'm 23 now so..... yeah. okay and thus this list was born as as something to write about to distract me from these things....weirdly writing even if it's about the anxiety helps.
so here we go the list and the first one is the one i was first feeling anxious about after the whole waiting on test results thing.

1. Being in Hotels in the morning when the cleaning services are cleaning rooms.

I hate this with a passion because it just feels so awkward to me, i feel like you should be out of the room before they come along but sometimes your not and usually this is the moment i would put the do not disturb sign on the door just because i don't want to have to actually interact with house keeping either one coming into the room and trying to clean while we are underfoot or two simply having to go to the door and say "no thanks we are good" i mean it's simple as that, that should not cause anxiety or any issue but for some reason for me it does and logically i know this is stupid but anxiety knows no bounds.

2. Filling out Job applications online.

I realize these two anxiety's will sound really weird and opposite because the first one is me avoiding contact with other humans and this one is a situation where i think i'd rather have to talk to an actual human being, when filling out application on line i always get nervous that i filled something out wrong and that i'll look like an idiot and then never even have a chance where as in the good old days you walked into a place and asked for an application filled it out actually talked to the people and could make a good impression which helps to actually getting the job i think.... the last time i was looking for a job i actually went in and everyone told me to go fill out applications online -_-
like i get it, i understand why.... but i'm an old soul and i think sometimes the old way of doing this is still good.

3. Seeing someone you know in public and not knowing weather you should talk to them or not.

Like if you do talk to them they sometimes act like you are annoying and that they are in such a hurry and you were just an annoyance in their life...and then other times you don't and so they get upset that you "ignored" them and it's really lose lose situation....and you never know what to do/say....

4. Gift giving.

I mentioned this in a previous Entry but giving gifts to people is my love language and so i love to give, but i also always have a bit of anxiety about it when the thoughts like this come along: "It's not good enough" " they won't like it" ect and then it's like a direct thing about me if they don't and blah blah blah when logically i know that the person will like it and even if they don't it's not the end of the world and it doesn't say something horrible about me, it genuinely is the thought that counts, because like me for instance if someone gave me a gift i didn't particularly like i wouldn't be upset at them or think less of them, i would understand that it was really nice of them to try to give me anything.

5. Being Completely Honest in certain situations.
Sometimes the truth is a hard one....and it can hurt more than help.
but the hardest thing you'll do sometimes is the right thing.

My Dad's lung function test was better, he's up to a 60....they are waiting to talk to the doctor....and i hope he's coming home...gosh this waiting is worse than the waiting for the test results....
But thank God his numbers were up.