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2017-12-20 09:48:32 (UTC)

Don't ask me why then roll your eyes at the answer.

Today I woke up in a pretty shit mood. I'm not really sure why, but today I've just not been interested. I guess today is one of them days where I really need you to show me you care. I won't tell you this though, just to make everything super easy for us. Nah, I'll just keep telling you nothing is wrong and feel like shit. Telling you what I need from you today would mean we'd be happy and everything would be fine. Why would I want that when I could spend the entire day feeling like shit?

It might be the reason why you haven't really showed me the affection I desire today. Or, you may just not give that much of a shit about me, who fucking knows anymore.

I feel like we make progress, things start to improve and get better and then you do something or say something that fucks my head up. Or you get stressed and take it out on me. I honestly have no fucking idea what I'm meant to do when you start getting stressed.

I've always been able to just, say something stupid or reassure someone that everything's going to be okay and have them either smile or come round. With you it's like, just being near you when you're stressed makes you so much worse, even if I'm doing nothing. Just the fact that I'm in your vicinity drives you fucking crazy.

Sometimes I wonder why you're even with me, and why you even want a future with me. You can do so much better, you could be happier with someone else. You could be connected.

You make me want to slit my wrists and play in my own blood. You make me want to kill myself just for the fucking fun.