My Letter To The World
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2017-12-13 07:02:01 (UTC)


Mood: Tired.
Song: Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart
Color: Orange

Today was the 12th of December(it's now after midnight so technically the 13th) but i'm going to go with the "It's not tomorrow till morning" thing tonight.
The 12th Of December feels like the opposite of my Birthday...which i guess it actually is in a way, because Birthday's are good and death day's are not...and today Was Levi's Death day. December 12th 1994 my Twin Brother died, My brother was killed.
I have known this fact my entire life and there are still moments where i'm like how could that happen???
Why did that happen? why was it him and not me?
I think about him all the time, specially when i'm driving and i'm alone i imagine he's supposed to be sitting in the passenger seat and talking to me....we were supposed to grow up together....like all twins...like all siblings should.
My heart is heavy.
But i also.... haven't really had time to mope or feel sad about today.... honestly i've only thought about it a couple of times today as it's been so busy....working, ER visit, SS stuff. ect. ect.
I'm not sad i didn't spend the day constantly thinking about it because i think he would want me to just live my life and he would want me to be happy.
God...i miss you. Miss all the things that we never got to see and do together.
It's just rivers and roads till i reach you.... I'll see you someday.

wouldn't it be so weird if i died on a December 12th? that Levi and i would then have been born and died on the same day...but then again i have a strong aversion to dying in the winter time when it's cold and miserable...i've already been close to that and i don't want that to be when i kiss this world goodbye, ideal would be sometime in the spring or summer...a beautiful day.
I've never until this moment considered the idea of dying on the same day, and half of me feels like it would be right but mostly i think that it would be very wrong as that's not how my story is going to end, because it's not how his story should have ended December 12th 1994 shouldn't have been his last day on earth and i refuse to let a day picked by someone else's stupidity and carelessness be the day we both leave this world if that makes any sense at all....
Now i know that things work out the way that they are supposed to and God knows and has things happen for a reason so that day in December was part of the story....part of my story and maybe another day in December would happen again who knows....
all i do know is that the best thing i can do is live, live life to it's fullest, do right by God, do right by people, keep my brothers memory alive and just keep focused on doing the next right thing.