2017-12-07 23:37:21 (UTC)

Kill me like now

After a wee bit I decided to use this diary online thingy doubt i m gonna use it much but hey its worth a try. I should be revising but nope not me instead i m literally losing sleep over someone that clearly doesn't really give a shit about me but still somehow i care and it sounds lame af but he really did lead me on..... and then he says he was taking the piss..... So lets start from the top this guy I really like we started getting closer and closer we started talking like everyday he kept sending me hints like xx at the end of each sentence or he would like text me etc... and then i fake i m someone else and i ask him whether he liked me etc and i m expecting a no because i am not that dumb he wouldnt like me like ever but nope its not just a simple no its a humiliating cruel cold i was just having A laugh comment....' I am just taking the piss' and I freeze cause i fucking fell for him and I fall for guys like super quickly but I thought he was different which is the mistake we all make in the end isn't it..... Every teen love story in those cringey teen tv shows we make fun of or at least i do and it turns out its true......Its quite sad tbh and pathetic. Its not like I wasnt expecting it or anything but like that was a cruel all I wanted to know was whether he liked me even the tiny bit which he kept hinting he did like he mentioned the ceilidh idek how many times he like asked me wheter I was going to the ceilidh etc....for those of you who dont know ceilidhs are school dances....Its fine tho he wouldnt like me anyway I m fat ugly pathetic sad and any other negative mean adjective you can think of basically describes me. I wanted to dress up and look nice tomorrow only to realise that that isnt possible anymore cause i AM UUUGLLYY and there is always going to be someone better someone prettier someone hotter......anyway I should prob go study for my geography test I think I ll update how the lil talk with him went tomorrow or smthing this is acc quite fun. Night
ya all xx

Edit: Just wanted to add that you know that one girl in everyones school that comes in and destroyers everything..... I just dont give a single fuck anymore everything is tumbling down and all I really want is an escape somewhere far far way from everyone and everything yeah ik cliche but its so f-ing true i think i might change schools ya know new ppl new friends etc.... i m just not happy and fro the lat 4 years i cant remember when i was truly happy. There were small spells of happiness but the rain was always there...I just dont want to go to school anymore I want to stay home and see everyone around me move on with their lives and just forget about me I guess like I never existed like I was never born...I doubt it would even make a difference at the moment tbh...I m just tired mentally and physically but mostly mentally I m tired of thinking I am tired of worrying whether someone likes me and not just romantically but friend wise too I m just never sure when someone is telling me the truth ikik its a problem but like srsly I just cant trust ppl anymore cause they have hurt me and if they ask why i dont trust them i m sorry but bitch u broke my trust and from now on I ll b waiting to defend myself with anything mean you say or however u hurt me....okiieee this has turned into a melodramtic thingy but i just really had to get it out of my mind !!!!!
If anyone s gone through this plz heeeelppppp