Sleepless Dreams
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2017-12-07 17:32:38 (UTC)

My House Has a Heart and Memories

I woke up, and I was still here, so I guess I'll do my best not to hate the day. In order to do this, I'm going to have to ignore a lot of things. I don't have a problem doing this at all. There's probably something that I'm supposed to be doing right now, or, at the very least, worrying about doing, but I'm just going to ignore it. I don't feel like fretting over that kind of stuff today.

I think I'm finally done putting up my Christmas lights. I thought I was done last week, but, each day, I'd go out there and add some more. Now my house kind of resembles a gingerbread house or something out of a children's storybook. I guess I'm the witch who lives inside who eats little children. I haven't seen any children I'd like to eat around here, though. Two houses up, there's a dog that I can't fucking stand. I wouldn't mind eating him. I told him so, too. That dumbass dog has seen me get out of my truck a zillion times a week, for years. He should have figured out by now that I live here. I don't even acknowledge him when I park close to his yard. I hear him run up, and I know he's right behind me behind the chain link fence, but I refuse to look at his stupid face. I get whatever I need out of my truck, while this dumb, idiot dog is standing behind me, ready to bark. He must have mood swings or likes what I'm wearing on certain days, because, some days, when he's feeling merciful, he just sits there and shuts the fuck up. Other days, he barks at me like I'm the one who robbed them last week. On those days, I tell him if I ever get a hold of him, I'm barbecuing. I'm inside my house, and I can hear that idiot dog barking right now. God, that dog is annoying.

I painted my Christmas tree red, and I love it. I thought my ex was going to buy me one, because I let him know, last year, that I wanted one, but things are a little tight this month. He wasn't able to give me the money, but that didn't stop me. It's an artificial white tree, so I spray painted it a cherry red, and it looks awesome. It looks better in the sunlight, but it looks nice at night too. You can still tell it's red, it's just a darker shade. I don't know why I get so into decorating. I guess because my mom was so into it. I grew up watching her go crazy decorating for the holidays. It kicks off with Halloween. I start decorating like two months before on the inside of the house.. In September, I start on the outside. The house always looks like I'm the one who lives here when it's decorated for Halloween. A stranger wouldn't be surprised to see me, all dressed in black, walking out of this house. When it's decorated for Christmas, it probably looks like some friendly, chubby, grandma, who bakes cookies for the neighborhood, lives here.. Then I walk out of the house, scowling, with my black leather jacket. lol I've lived here forever, but only the old timers know me. This is.. well, this was my grandparents' house. I've always been here, but I've never socialized with the neighbors (why would I?), and I've kept my business to myself. The only cool neighbors are the ones on the immediate sides of me. They know me, so they know I'm not antisocial (well, sometimes I am), I'm just private and don't like bullshit. I think I used to be a lot bubblier and friendly, even though I didn't want to be. It would just happen, despite my efforts stop it. Now, I just feel dark. I have no clue how I'm perceived, so I don't know what the others think, and I don't really care, unless they take the parking spot directly in front of the house. New people have been moving to the neighborhood. It's funny, because I still think of the ones who moved here 20 years ago as new. I guess it's because this is the first house I ever lived in. I came here straight from the hospital. I'll probably go straight to the coroner from here, too. Unless something horrible happens that I haven't imagined, I'll stay here until I die, because everyone I love used to live in this house, and now they're gone. So my daughters and I will remain in the house that was always full of love and good people.. This house holds my earliest memories and always gives me a sense of comfort. I can't imagine living anywhere else..