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2017-12-07 16:06:38 (UTC)

You really like to hurt me. Haha

I got an unknown caller 2days ago that turned out to be Vincent. We talked for a bit.
I didn't know it was him at first as the first word he said was something that a friend and i only knows.
It's an inside joke.
I thought it was the friend so i laugh and didn't ask to confirm his identity.
Until like 6 minutes, i suspected it wasn't the friend i was talking to. So i kind of tried to confirm who it was and boy was i wrong.
He said the number belongs to his friend.

He asked about my love life. He seemed so happy and fine. This may sound terrible but i think i was dying slowly little by little knowing he's fine. I guess i wanted to matter enough to him for him to be affected. You know? As fuck up as that sound. Even for a little. Because i was devastated damn it. This is so unfair;(
This is not his fault that i'm hurting. I know.

And he wants me back again.
He asked me to unblock his number cause he wants to call. I didn't. But i replied to his texts. Because i was intrigued. Okay. He said he's changed, asked if i've been stalking his fb account.
I said "why should i"?
He said it's a proof that he's changed.
I said fb posts are different from real life.

And the conversation continued. It consisted mostly about trying to make me like him again. I didn't assume. He outright told me he wants me back.

And just now, i stalked his fb, because the friend(the one who i thought was the unknown caller) told me Vincent is in a relationship. Lol. This made me want (so bad) to stalk his fb. And there. Fucking great. I'd continue writing about it tomorrow because i just i don't know....i want to kill myself but i can't. Haha. It's not like this is my first time to feel this way. I'd get over it. For sure.

I don't know. It's not even like i believed him. I just really hate the fact that he seemed to think so lowly of me. I can take it if he's some other random person. But he's not just some random person to me.

Wow. It's 12:07 midnight again. Fuck sleep.