Of Rains and Snow

Day to Day: Or, Notes to Self
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2017-12-07 15:47:54 (UTC)

B: Take my heart out with a spoon

Dear Luke,

For the past two days, Flight Facilities' "Down to Earth" in a loop has served as the soundtrack to my life. You ever get a moment in your head where suddenly your life is a musical? It happens to me from time to time. To say it's an escape would be a cliche. I don't know what the purpose of that kind of imagination is, to be honest. Inspired by the video of the song, I see myself walking with my blue and white beanie on the street, during winter, and gradually start to step as the song quickens its beat. There's something angry about what I imagine, like a big "fuck you" to the world.

Well, I say world. Maybe it's just one person but I can't bring myself to say it out loud. I surprised myself last Monday, because as I was waiting for the second bus to take me to campus my imagination went numb and it was like I wasn't listening to music anymore. It occurred to me the fear of how easily I was switching between love and hate. Considering they're both complex emotions that need a specific degree of obsession, I suppose it shouldn't be that surprising. It's amazing though how some days I wake up thinking to myself I could understand, but other days I want them to die and go to hell. My mind and heart are undecided still. In these moments my imagination turns to Robin's story. She's my agent in this, what I wish to do, she does it in her story. Maybe. Not really. I know each story has a trace of the author in it but it's when I'm so heated on a topic that I make sure I check myself. No, I can't react through stories, not when it's unchecked.

No, what am I doing? This is babble. I'm losing it again. Do over, please.

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