Anastasia Romanov

Words Fail In A Crowd Of Thousands
2017-11-30 09:29:15 (UTC)

I think I'm going to die ..

I think I'm going to die soon.
I can't take it. It will literally never get better. It will only get worse. I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.
I am so useless and worthless. Everyone would be better off without me. All I do is pose a burden. Their lives would be clearer without me. They would be relieved. I'd finally save mom and dad money. Nikki and Christian wouldn't have to be bothered by me anymore. Corinne wouldn't be bothered by me. I never hurt Tim or amani but they would be rid of me too. Meera and Fred wouldn't bat an eye. Sheila would forget about me. Victoria wouldn't have such a shitty friend. Isabella wouldn't bat an eye. She'd forget within the next 5 minutes. No one would care. Everyone would be so much better off without me. I am so horrible to everyone and i hate myself for it.
There is so reason for my existence. I am utterly useless. I have no purpose here. I'm just a burden. Everyone deserves a better life and that would be without me.
I'm looking into what generic drugs can kill me. Only things I'm worried about 1) if I kill myself I'll go to hell which is worse than this 2) if I try to kill myself and don't succeed I'll just have fucked up organs and system functions. Every option is a loss for me. I wish I could just stop existing altogether. Or wake up one day and be so happy that I don't even remember what it's like to be depressed.
I'm thinking about writing my final notes soon.
I can't trust anyone.
It's getting so much worse.
I think I might really end it soon.




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