Therapist

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2017-11-28 18:17:02 (UTC)

I need to stop playing games

I have to focus. Less and less I run back. I figured we gave up on this. I did. I couldnt bare the fact how I felt like I wasnt good enough for him. I blame myself for letting go.But I felt so miserable waking up thinking hes there but isn't. I miss him. I do... But I knew it would never change. He smoked weed. He sold it infront of me. He smoked it infront of me. Why. Why.... He was legit stupid in relationship. I am understanding when it comes to weed and stuff. It'll hurt he's going to be with someone else. I know he'll change for her. For the better. I blame myself not being open with him. But also him not giving me the comfort I needed. I needed a comfort. I feel so stupid. I dont want to be with him when he sells drugs and talks all sweet and gives me the cold shoulder
.... But I'm thw pettiest person.isses having access thrpugh me. The fact he already. Did. I'm scared to even open up because I make no sense with my own damn emotion. I feel so stupid.... I wanted somwthing but turns out to be the complete opposite. He used me. And I think I used him. He was so cute.... His smile was what caught me off guard. I miss him. But I wasnt good for him. He wanted to grow up
But it felt so horrible I'm not coming back because I'm not good for him. I feel shity. Someone needs to slap me. I wish someone loved me the way I fall for my friends and cherrish that friendship. I miss having a hug. The best hug was last night. I legit cried . I have no friends. No money
I'm allowing myself be sometjing I'm not. I'm supposed to fun and energized. I feel stupid and weak. I'm happy for lina. I'm wasting my life. I honestly. Feel naive. I have to find something to occupy myself. I have to find a sport or a hobby on my own. I have to.




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