Wr1tt3n0ne

Bunches and bunches
2017-11-22 00:39:15 (UTC)

What Box?!?


On meeting people, I hear that I am so unconventional. Honestly, I only know how I have come to live and cope with myself and my shortcomings and insights. I suppose I am vaguely aware my choices are more unrestrained than is typically the case. Because of this and my hopefully creative mind, I am not often surprised by others suggestions. Well, ten plus years of therapy don't hurt, either.


So when I debated first love back in my life, Best Friend was my first stop. The reasons are twofold, one she knows us both really well and two I trust her judgement, period. Over the many, many years we have been such close friends we have shared enough that I know she loves me and looks out for my best interests. She also, back in the day had a bit of a relationship with first love (mind you not overlapping with anything I had with him) and because of that she has gleaned some insights into us both.

A while back I pled my case (it is what I do being from a legal background) that first love should be allowed back in my life. All the reasons why and why not were thoroughly expounded between us. She was a stunning Devil's advocate as usual and had a lot of uncanny insights. Ultimately it was settled that in a closely monitored fashion he should be allowed to return. I felt the situation settled satisfactorily and before I was off, decided spontaneously to ask her if she felt it might work out this time.
"No."
"What?!? Why not?" (Okay, truth be told, first I said F*ck you! Then Sorry, then the aforementioned.)
"Neither one of you has changed enough for things to be different."
"But you agreed I should give him a second chance..." I protested.
"You should."
"But what's the point if you think it will go the same way?!?"
"Try something different."
"Like what?"
I think you need a third person in your relationship with first love."


Obviously I am no stranger to that concept of an open relationship, but I wish to pause here and point out that open to having multiple relationships is different than adding a third. And also that I thought I was the crazy one! I mean, d*mn, it's like here is the box and then way over here is her suggestion so far from the box, that anybody would be like...

As a suggestion it is bold and innovative. Also more than slightly complicating, which I love about it. What are we if not hopelessly complex loving beings? Her point is that I do not communicate well with him. He speaks all rational and cold to me and I speak better pushed up against him with a dearth of talking or detached in my writing, which he doesn't seem to process without knowing my tone. So her idea is get someone to translate between us. That is such a crazy cool way to conceive of a solution. Since I am almost exactly bisexual (meaning I like people and have no preference about their sex organs) and he is way hetero, I would get a girl! Moreover, actually I think I know someone who might, maybe, might fit the bill. He has a partner who is not exactly only hetero, which I have seen a few pictures of and been in some contact with. I admit she seems to have a very solid grasp of him and his needs. His last gf tried to push her out of his life and she reacted poorly, of course. Who wouldn't? No one likes getting written off the script, right? Because of her background she is a perfect choice to understand us both, if that is she and I could figure something out.

Sweet, pretty, intelligent and shares our religion so I figure kind of in the thick of things already. But I am the one people love to bed. Not a boast just an observation. According to the vast majority of my exes I am often their "one who got away" or at least their go to sexual fantasy. I don't feel like I do anything all that divergent from others must be doing, however there is something about me. So when it comes to people’s needs, sexual or their secret desires, favorite fantasies, I am the girl with all the answers. And for that as well as my crazy personality, I am often adored and loved even. It strikes me as odd since I rarely love, oh I like my partners, a lot, quite a lot, I hear them and do all the little romantic thoughtful things for them, love letters, trysts, surprises, and breathe life into their deep desires, but love is a heavy emotion and I take forever to get there. Most of my relationships involving love also involve years. So any relationship I had that didn't involve years, well, likely only involved like and attachment, romance and all, but definitely not love.

So if she could understand me, and she clearly already understands him. If I could find even a slight spark between us to expand into something.... well, we might, might have something here.




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