Bluebell

The other side of the coin
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2017-11-23 00:12:11 (UTC)

A light in my soul

Hello!

It is me again! It is 9.00 p.m. and I am not sleepy... I thought I could write a bit more here as I am not interested in the new soap opera... Guess what? I usually get too sensitive when the story is too dramatic or too scary... So, I have decided to wait for a new chapter in the soap. I think the world is already a place where people can be very nasty. I don't need all that in my life before going to bed... But it is funny because I was interested in the story and now I decided not to watch... The young lady is so naive that annoys me... I am hoping when she gets better in the story... I must say that Brazilian soap operas are really good... I wish I could watch series or movies but I get so anxious that I avoid them as well...

So, my brother is not sleeping here tonight. He was so sad that he didn't want to chat. I guess he will be in his girlfriend's house. I hope he gets better.

By the way, my cousin came here with her fiancé. Well, they are going to marry and we were invited to go. If my father helps me financially we will be able to go. And by the way, guess where my parents are tonight? At one of the local pubs and they didn't invite us. When they lived near and they were our neighbours they used to invite us. I think it is good for them t go out without us a bit. I miss going out with my husband. But then I would miss my daughter as well if she wasn't with us together... Anyway, I found out because I phoned them.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day as I don't have anything planned. I don't know what I am going to cook but I will... as it is part of my routine... I will have to do some laundry as well. What a great thing!

I have to get up at 6.00 a.m. and I should be sleeping by now... I am starting to feel some tiredness but I am very alert. However, I am not feeling lonely for a change. I am enjoying being here and writing some words in my diary again.

My husband was fine when I spoke to him. He was not working... He was a bit tired but them he worked hard yesterday.

Ah! I am thinking about putting up a Christmas tree. I was not in the mood but something happened to me today and then I felt that Christmas is coming and somehow I still enjoy it. I hope that my depressing thoughts stay away. I was so miserable without internet... then now being able to express myself again and thinking deeply about my life right now... I guess I want to put some decoration in the house. I have put some in the living-room ( my mum lent it to me) but the Christmas tree has to have a meaning in my heart.

Another year is almost over and there is some kind of hope in my soul. I am surviving loneliness and I am day by day getting over my fears. I think I can rebuild my life if some luck happens or if I have the right opportunities ahead. Who knows... There is kind of light in my soul today. Also, another 3 years ahead and my daughter will be out of the secondary education. I know I will be relieved if she completes it in a private school. My father pays it at the moment and it means a lot to me the whole process of getting up early and then watching her to grow during these years. There are so many things we have to wait for during these next 3 blessing years. It is a shame I cannot write about everything. But a lot of things should happen somehow... I hope so. I have been so healthy that I feel blessed even with my depression and lack of sleep sometimes. Even if my days are almost all the same... I guess the idea that I am not ill as I was 6 years ago has somehow touched my heart.

We are finally going to be in 2018 next year because 2017 was a long year for me and so it was 2016... During these two years I had to find balance and hope in my life as my husband left us here in Brazil and returned to England. Not because we chose it but because he was forced to go back in order to provide for us here. Even though he doesn't earn a lot in his job he provides for us. Also, his sister is healthy and he seems to be much happier than he was before. Here was difficult for him because he wasn't able to speak fluent Portuguese... That was the main reason he was fired.

I think it is getting late... It is better to go to bed... But here are my thoughts. Thoughts that come from my heart. I truly wish good energy and hope that somehow the same light reaches out your soul tonight.

I want to leave below another thought not mine but one that has to do with thoughts...

"A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes." (Mahatma Gandhi)

So, people in the world lets change our thoughts... maybe we become, become what we truly wish... Good energy, good energy people.

See you soon...

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