Energy Sphere

The Last Diary
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2017-11-14 20:29:28 (UTC)

Entry #76 - Hopefully not for nothing

Well, she wanted freedom, I gave her freedom.

In one way or another she had to tell me something like "I must feel free to ignore you". Just one note, Grimm. You can't expect me NOT to be anxious that you want disconnection from me. If it's like that, tell it to me NOW and don't hide it.

As for the disconnection... as couple of individuals have been messaging me with the normal starting question like "Yooo, wazzap?", "Hey, how are you?" I had to gather them in a chat group in order to tell them to stop asking me such questions. You gotta understand, people who know the diary and being my personal friends and read this, you can't expect me to answer how I feel, when you perfectly know the disconnection INCLUDES you and the only thing I share to you is through the diary.

You've never felt me so distant as now, right? Pretty normal. Not sorry though.

As to... Grimm. Well... as she has access to this diary, I just want to repeat myself what I told her. DO NOT. EVER. USE THIS. AGAINST ME. Do not. You will hurt me. You will make me cry in front of you in order to show you how hurt am I. We both don't want this as we both are energy people and I have to release what I have bottled in me somehow, right? Am I right, Grimm? I have the DAMN RIGHT TO FEEL, RIGHT?

As to two people who do not have nicknames in the diary, yet I shared it to them, they will recognize themselves - The one who is into traps and the cool nigga next to him - If you are going to laugh at my entries (because I see you when you read them at class), honestly, stop read the damn diary. IT'S IN THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION, GODDAMN IT, IF YOU MOCK ME FOR / ARE DISGUSTED FROM / CRINGE BECAUSE OF THE DIARY, BETTER STOP READING AND GET THE FUCK OUT.

As this is over... I shall stop referring people and continue with the diary..

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I've never felt so happy.. I mean, I had, of course, but... well, the absence of, let's say, distracting presence, is helping me a lot to overcome who I am as bad behavior.

The only thing I really hope is that she doesn't ignore me forever. Why? Because I love her... I miss her.. I am so... so... into her I believe I can't live without chatting with her, talking with her...

She needs time, I know. And I needed to...postpone the disconnection. But the main reason why I did it, is because of Elvie. His behavior was more than outstandingly awful, because he KNOWS PERFECTLY I am not feeling okay when he talks about his relationship. Same goes for Stalker, but unlike Elvie, she is not spamming me what happens with her boyfriend. And that shit is also known by Grimm, she is putting more effort into her boyfriend than me, I am perfectly aware of that. And the thing I like about her is that she knows me so well she doesn't babble about him at all. Well, maybe not at all, but clearly not often, which is very good.

When I see her I am going to give her a little surprise, which she will like. I await this day and count the seconds till it comes... even if I have no idea when that will be.

I just miss her... I love her so much, I... I just miss her.

She told me about her disconnection and what happened. She started missing the warmth mainly from her family and her boyfriend. The difference is... I never felt warmth from my family... and no one gives me warmth from my friends... and I have no girlfriend.

It honestly feels like a torture, waiting her. But when she comes online, when she finally stops ignoring me and comes back, I feel so... complete. And every time it's worth the wait.

Just don't take too long, Grimm....... please don't.

Damn it, is it really such an entry..? I started crying just from writing this...

Anyway... I got nostalgic for a game earlier, I should better go play it before I start cutting myself... because I don't want to start AGAIN, oh boy, I sure don't.

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One more thing... I know some of my followers want to communicate with me by messaging me either questioning something, telling me how good the diary is or whatever they want to talk with me... just feel free to message me here, okay? If there is one place I will vent about my feelings and will communicate with random unknown people or with literally anyone, it will be here, in my-diary.org and nowhere else.

And yes, this will be the last entry, "breaking the fourth wall", referring to my followers and the people around me.

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