Mercury

Hyperlexicnotes
2017-11-14 19:02:34 (UTC)

Brazil

I'm not quite sure what will abound in the following. I arranged to have lunch with my sisters, separate lunches, in the following days. In that way I am performing two tasks at once: being a good brother and overcoming the deficiencies in my social universe. You might suggest that this doesn't really count since they're my siblings, but there's no reason to hate on me like that. I'm not even bothered by the shockingly low amount of friends I have in my hometown ever since I returned, as the extent and principles of my social universe tend to apply wherever I go. Doesn't matter if it's a hometown or any other town, there are likely to be some female friends who fill in for my sisters and one or two male friends with whom I can do and talk guy things. Then hopefully a girlfriend too as I do now. She is really quite lovely and most of the time I feel I don't deserve her at all, but not in a destructive kind of way, rather in a simple, truthful way. We've been going out now for nearly nine months which approximates my personal best of nine months and a couple of days so there's that to be happy about. But relationship talk is rather repetitive since most of us tend to experience the same kind of emotions and adventures anyway.
It's a strange time of my life. There's almost nothing I have to worry about and this is an extremely dangerous thing to write as it screamingly invites trouble. But there really isn't. I'm very well-paid for a job which is my dream job: I read books all day long. I live in an enormous bourgeois apartment right in the middle of the city with two lovely girls. My health is in order. My intellectual capacities expand every day. I could go on and on. But there's this nagging feeling, that I'm not doing something well, a sense of guilt for how good I have it. I guess I simply need to resolve it quite practically and draw up lists of actions I should carry out.
I have moved into this mental realm of comfort. And as we all know, comfort in excess is not something I should be happy about.
I should also get a good night's sleep, I feel I haven't slept well since forever. People don't realise how difficult it is to keep reading all day, especially if it's Marx's Capital.
And it seems I'm going to Brazil next summer, yey. :)




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