Anastasia Romanov

Words Fail In A Crowd Of Thousands
2017-11-14 02:43:35 (UTC)


There's a "Physician Assistants of Tomorrow" meeting today at school. It starts in half an hour. I stayed a few extra hours just so I could go. But I can't go anymore. The longer I sit here the more my anxiety kicks in. I don't want to go alone. I'm going to be so awkward. I know it would be a great way to get to know people, especially more people who want to go into the same field as me. Everyone in my learning community wants to be a doctor. I really want to go to this meeting. I wish I could just be brave. I wish I was confident. I wish I wasn't so alone.
I know I'm not alone in what I'm going through. I know there are so many other people who have depression and anxiety. I know I am not alone. But I still feel alone. No matter what people say. No matter how much I can relate to someone, if that person is not physically with me I will feel alone. If I cannot rely on someone to be there for me I will feel alone. There is no one I can rely on.

I'm typing this in my school library and I really wish I was in my room because all I want to do is cry and go to sleep.

I complain about being lonely all the time but yet whenever I'm around people all I want to do is go home and be by myself. But when I'm by myself all I ever feel is that I want to be hanging out with people and that I wish I had more friends. I'm never happy wherever I am. I feel like I'm always wanting what I don't have.