Katie-Brave

My Letter To The World
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2017-11-12 01:15:33 (UTC)

Life in Chapter titles

Mood: eh i'm here.
Song: Heart of Gold by Neil Young
Color: Dark Blue


If you were to give the years of your life chapter titles what would you call those years? how would you sum up what happens in that year, that chapter with the title? I like the concept of finding different and unique ways to sum up your life, your life in this, and that....
So maybe more entry's describing life in different ways to come but I've been working on this and really putting thought into what i would title the years of my life....and so without farther ado here it is.


1. "Hello Goodbye"
I chose this title for the first year of my life because of course hello world i was born but in that same year i lost my twin brother and was removed from my biological family hence the goodbye.

2. "I can remember"
simply because my active memory's start when i was two.

3. "Katie" "********* ***** ******"
I self title my third year with my name, because it's the year i was adopted and given my name, and i think a name is important it defines you and your life.

4. "blank page"
Because i don't see much that stands out for me in my fourth year of life, i remember that i enjoyed coloring and art, but nothing particularly life altering happened....i was a blank page waiting for the rest of my life to happen and be colored and written in.

5. "Cradled, Sheltered, safe."
Because i remember enjoying being 5, i remember that birthday, i remember just feeling safe and happy and in this smooth time, i had friends i enjoyed, older kids that i looked up to, my brothers and sister and i still got along at that time and things at church were good, i had good teachers and people that i loved.

6. "No dying in winter"
I was sick a lot as a kid, in and out of the hospital at least twice a year until i was about 12....but i remember a specific trip where i was in the hospital and i felt particularly bad, particularly weak...and it was the first time i realized that i might actually die, like that death was a possibility (because when your young you don't think you could die) but it was in the fall/winter time and it was wet and cold and miserable and all i wanted was to feel better, so that i could get out of the hospital so that i could go and play.
Specifically i wanted it to be nice and warm and i wanted to play outside, and i decided that 1. i was going to get better and make it to the summer time and play and live and have fun, and two that no matter what i wasn't going to die in the winter time no matter how long i lived.

7. "Innocently in love"
i was seven when i had my first crush, my first kiss and when i think about it i still smile because it was all honestly innocent and pure and that's kind of how i wish love was like now that i'm older...pure without anything inappropriately sexual or anything heavy...without insecurity or worrying about if a person is feeling what you are.
just simply i love you, i love you too and meaning it....even if it was the innocent and naive love of 7 year old's but naivety isnt a bad thing contrary to popular belief.

8. "Better Learn Fast"
When i was 8 we had just moved to a new town, a bigger town with more people, more kids, new people i had to learn how to interact with and most of my friends even if we were in the same grade were older than me and i just felt like i had to learn fast, jump start on how to do certain things and it was just... a time in my life where i felt like i had to play catch up to get on the same level as those around me...
i guess it was a bit of a culture shock for someone who had spent their whole life up until that point in a town of 200 people.

9. "You are a girl"
I was such a tom boy growing up, still am a tom boy for the most part as an adult.
But i remember that around when i was 9-10 what was really popular among my friends was playing with make up and wearing mini skirts my two best friends and i wore them all the time.
And while it wasn't my personality so much at the time to be girly i was figuring out that it was okay to be a girl (cause i went through a stage of wanting to be a boy) and that being pretty and girly was okay, but being a tom boy was okay, i was a girl and i was okay to like what i liked and i could be both strong and a girl... i don't know it was a year of sort of coming into myself a bit...a lesson that would help me later in life in the awkward teenage years and also with just being myself and not following the crowd just for the heck of it.
like my favorite color being green instead of baby blue like everyone else.

10. "Now i see the Light"
It was the year i got saved, at Fallscreek.
It was the year i really grasped reading and learned i loved it.
It was the year i realized that the physical appearance doesn't matter when i lost my hair and got made fun of but was made stronger because my hair doesn't make me me.... i feel like it was a year of "seeing the light" and all kinds of revelations.

11. "Last First"
I was in 6th grade, the top of the totem pole for elementary school, and it was my last first day of elementary school, my last first day as a Children's camp camper, my last first day as a VBS Student ect.
Like it was in a way a closing on a stage of my childhood.
Because the next year i would be started Jr. high and i would be too old to go to and do any of the things that i mentioned above, camp, vbs ect.

12. "Innocent's when i charms ignorance when it doesn't"
I grew up in a very sheltered home and in 7th Grade i became friends with some people who didn't have the same childhood that i did and i was introduced to music, books, movies and such that i had never heard of before and so someone would say to me things like "You've never heard this song?!?!? what the heck where have you been?" and same with several things.
But also school was harder and i had people in my life expecting me to know things that i had never been taught.... or just didn't know about which in some cases impressed people and in others it made them annoyed or incredulous.
Hence the title innocents when it charms ignorance when it doesn't.

13. " It was the best of times it was the worst of times"
I think this line from war and peace can sum up many of our teenage years.
I had a core group of friends and we were all going through some things that kids our age shouldn't have been like rape, molestation, racism, abuse weather it be verbal or physical or emotional, and i just remember that we banded together and i think at that time we were what kept each other alive.
i look back at that time half with fondness at the friendship and the love and loyalty but also with sadness and anger at the situations which were out of our control.


14. "A Brave new word"
High school freshmen year and life style changes after all the drama and stuff of Jr. High.

15. "Growth, Training and learning."
Because i was getting ready to go to London and i had to go through alot of application processes and studies and it took a year i had to be 16 to go and i turned 16 like two weeks before the trip.

16. "Flight or Fight."
I went to London even though i was terrified when it became time and up until that point it was the most challenging thing of my life but also the most rewarding and when it comes to people it made me realize i'm a person that stays and fights when things get tough or scary i don't run away.

17. "Speak now or forever hold your peace"
Senior year of high school, having to face my anxiety of it and the people and speak at my Graduation in front of a bunch of people, but also showing them who i am, who i was, who many of them missed out on because they had their little cliques.
It's better to speak up sooner than to regret the things you didn't say.
I feel like i said a lot of things at 17 that i was too scared to say before....
like admitting to a guy that i liked him and such....


18. "Brave"
A nick name that stuck that comes from a funny fail story i told to a guy i liked, who then called me that in front of a group of people including my friends....i like the nickname, i like the person that gave me the nickname, i like that my friends liked to call me that.
it's another one of those things where a name is important and can define you in ways you might not even think about at the time.

19. "Beaten path"
MSBC, teaching teenagers, walking around that church building because it was what i had done since i was 8, literally walking around the outside of that building a beaten path which i walked a million times with friends i still have and some that i don't, walked while having some of the best conversations that i've ever had, a the steps i could take in my sleep.
I walked it with people and i walked it alone and i wasn't the first to do so and i won't be the last.
This is an important thing because while i was at this place with these people over the years of my life it shaped me and it's nice to know that you are part of a legacy that is carried on in your life and in the lives of the people you touch....it's a beaten path.

20. "High school never ends"
A time of drama with teens and adults acting like teens....
It makes you realize that the immaturity of people only focusing on how situations effect themselves and how being the best or having the most or being popular doesn't end in high school, people constantly looking to get the upper hand and willing to cut down anyone to get it all the while wearing this fake mask to hide the fact that they might be hurt, or insecure, or afraid.
the feeling that you get as a teenager that is like the world is ending sometimes still happens even as an adult when you know better and that circumstances are always changing.
a time where the phrase "I wish they'd just grow up" ran through my mind alot.

21. "Hello Darkness my old Friend"
Losing my home.
Losing my Church.
Losing some friends.
Being betrayed.

22." It stings"
Having to start over in a place you already don't like where the people already don't like you.
while dealing with the still spreading rumors and backlash of the previous year....
feeling lost, and depressed and alone and clinging to anything that feels like safety and realizing the thing that your trying to hold on to is just going to grow away and fade and be different and you are left just trying to survive and find a purpose to your life....while watching everyone else move forward when you are stuck.

23. "Why am i happening"
A funny sentence said by one of my favorite people here....Ares.
Said as sort of a replacement for "why meee?" when in a situation that's not the worst thing in the world but certainly not the best...sort of like a first world problem a simple annoyance but not life or death.
Why am i happening is a place i am at....where i'm not depressed but at a point where i'm searching for something and i don't know what exactly that is....and it's one of those things that i guess i'll know it when i see it.


So yeah that's my life in chapter titles perhaps i'll come back and add years as they go by.

Peace

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