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2017-11-08 10:09:15 (UTC)

Will you ache for me?

Not being able to contribute is the worst fucking feeling. I hate that I cannot provide for the people I care about. I fucking hate it more than I should, because I used to be in a good place. Christ, I had my shit together financially. Now look at me, a fucking mess.

I don't want to see you hurt and I certainly don't want to upset you, but I know that's what's going to happen. I can already feel your anxiety and sadness just thinking about it. I hope I don't make you sad or anxious.

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all.