Kill Switch

The Chaos Code
2017-10-26 07:29:00 (UTC)

Drugs & School

I have had drugs for three days. That's it. Three. And I'm already up to taking 8 pills within a 24 hour time period. That's not ANYWHERE near as bad as the 20 per day I used to take, BUT. . .it's getting there. If it only took me three days to get my tolerance back up to this point (accidentally, ofc), then, logically, it should take me less than a week from now to get back to taking 20 pills per day. Which. . .would suck. Horribly. I had hoped my tolerance would stay super low since I was COMPLETELY sober for about a month. That way the 90 valium and 120 pain killers would ACTUALLY LAST ME MORE THAN TWO WEEKS! Usually they last me slightly under two weeks. Sometimes they only last me a week and a few days. I was determined to make them last at least 3 weeks, if not 3 1/2. I know all 4 weeks is unrealistic so I'm not gonna go for that goal, but. . .I was HOPING at least the latter.


And I really don't want to go back to smack. I mean, albeit H is much healthier/better for your body than handfuls of opiates and benzos are, I hate having to rely on something that gives you such a powerful high, something that could be cut with very dangerous things, and something that could kill you easily if you don't know the dealer and they lace it or if a needle isn't clean or whatever the fuck. You can't really die from heroin itself, unless you overdose, but. . .Anyone who has been a fan of the harder drugs knows this. It's the things people do WHILE ON H that kills them. That's why people make the (wrong) assumption that heroin is deadly and awful. Coz all the media spreads about drugs are fucking lies and no one bothers to do any research on it when there's plenty of documents and research done with research style papers written on credible websites like jstor. There's no excuse for that kind of ignorance. People need to stop taking things at face value and put some time and effort into these things. Most people assume alcohol is better for your system than drugs since it is legal. If you actually do your goddamn research, Susan, you would know that alcohol is the most harmful "drug" out there. Hell, things like meth are even healthier than alcohol, if consumed and dosed correctly. God, that pisses me off. Do research. Think for yourself, goddamnit.

Okay. My eyes are closing. It is now 7:40am and I have to be awake at 8:30am. Mayyyyyyyybe I should lie down. . .but. . .I may just stay awake. Not like I could even HOPE to get any sleep in that short of a time frame, as it takes me a minimum of 4 hours to actually get to sleep (usually more like 6), unless I take an ambien. Then it takes me about 2 hours to get to sleep. But I can't take an ambien right now. . .or at any point during the day today. . .i have a FUCKTON to do and lost of phone calls to make during normal 9-5 business hours. And with the amount of calls I have to make combined with the RIDICULOUS hour or more wait time on each call will definitely take met that FULL 9-5 window. And some of the government agencies close at 4. So I'm on a tight schedule.

Gotta take my roommate to school, run some errands, and then I'm going to make a bunch of phone calls and spend my time on hold with places by doing my schoolwork.

It's gonna be good because my roommate is going to be focusing on schoolwork for hours after I go pick her up from school later. And I work a lot better if I have someone else doing the same or similar thing as me, but not WITH me as a team. Like. . .I work best when we are both working solo. . .but in the same room, doing the same/similar thing. We are each doing our own schoolwork that has NOTHING to do with each other (I'm pre-med major and she's a video game design major), but we are both doing schoolwork and focusing and the atmosphere will reflect that sort of study session. Which is when I work best.

Okay, I've kinda gained a second wind here. I'm just gonna stay up, I suppose. I guess I will finish up the episode of Grey's Anatomy that I didn't get to finish last night. . .and then I will get on some schoolwork if I have time before getting ready to take my roommie to class and then actually taking her to class.

Ahhhh. Time to get stuff done.




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