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My Life My Stories
2017-10-23 13:44:21 (UTC)

Honey

It was in August. He send text msg online dating website. Well it was not a sweet opening but it caught my attention. We started chatting and starting to have more and more conversation. Then on the 3rd day he asked me to be his online partner. He said it's going to be very real type of online partner relationship just that it's not physically. He said if time permits and feelings grow we won't know what will happen in the future. So i agree. We chat everyday and always into each other and even time. He said to me all i need to do is to love him and be honest with him. i did what i was told. being there for him and being honest. Even the love feelings for him is build in me too. He said his life is very complicated. i accept for who he was. He was so sweet, sending me flower pictures and video where his going. We tell each other where we go and will be away for how long like an 1 or 2 or 3. And will come back to chat with each other. As time past, we started exchange phone number and communicate through watsapp. We got closer and the feelings we had gets deeper.
He felt for me and so do i. He was having a hard time telling me the truth about him. Well he never lie to me just that some part he didn't explain in detail. And so i told him no matter how worst the situation is..it will not change anything between us. i'll be still the same how i felt for him. So he told me the truth about him and his family life.
He was a married man with 5yrs marriage with 1 son. well i was in shock at 1st but i'm able to maintain the emotions in me and continue listen to him. He married his wife out of mother's needs. He didn't love his wife but he got married because of his mother. He was his mother's golden child and he did what he needed to do. His marriage is there but his love is not there even after so many years. he force himself to make baby for the sake of relative stop asking him question. he told me he used to have gf whom he love but had to let go because of the mother. then during that marriage he tried this online dating website and met a girl and tried online partner. As time goes he felt for the girl and the girl left without words. he was hurt but his willing to give me a chance to love him. As he said he was so heart broken and even i know his trying to replaced. to heal his heart
i am more than willing to do it cause i know i fell in love with him too. well we were going so well until last september, everything changed. His Brother's marriage problems, mother depress, and he is the only son that need to be there for his family. He keep telling me it's complicated and said his wife will always be his wife. His wife is a very loving and full time mother to their son and also to his family. i said to him i don't mind. WTH? is wrong with me? I love him and i'm willing to be at the side and not wanting a status. there is alot of family dramas towards his life. he said his not in the mood of anything and all he wants is to be alone at the moment and not wanting to talk about it.
So i text him and told him ill always be here for him. once in awhile ill text him to say HI. He read but never reply me.
ofcourse my heart hurts and we are slowly depart from each other. i know i need to move on and i know this is not a relationship that i need. Well good time is always short and then it comes bad time. Till today my heart still have him and longing to wait for his msg. i always see him online but he never msg me. Am i stupid? i think i'm a fool. i remember he said i'm a good lady with a pure heart and he doesn't want to hurt me. is this a way of him letting me go because he felt i love him and he knew he cannot give me a future?
Because i'm already used to have him around me mentally, i was so hurt and sad. so to go through it, i get an online partner for myself and to replaced him so i can feel myself again. but it's not the same.
Even till today i don't know his name. He didn't want to tell me his name because he wants to keep it as it is. I only called him Honey.
i miss him and i still love him. it's insane to love a person who is not there. it's ridiculous.
i miss everything about him, his words, his accents, his voice, his face. i know i need to move on. i know his gone.
tears still running down my cheeks whenever i think of him, all the conversation we had. I just want to feel wanted and special.
Honey, will i ever hear from you again?

02.01.2018 - i decide to send honey a new year msg. He replied. We came to a conclusion we stay as friends and we will be. if only he told me his not ready for any relationship before i fall in love with him then i won't hurt so much. Anyway after having a conclusion and clear things up between us i felt good. finally i moved on.
i'm happy now. my mind is in peace. Honey i hope you will come through one day and be at peace too.




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