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2017-10-18 22:55:53 (UTC)

They can't believe I take you home.

Tomorrow will be an interesting day. I have an interview in another town not too far from here, about an hour out. Let me tell you why this is not interesting first; because I have the experience to secure this position, actually, more experience than what is required. Now, the reason why this is interesting is because if I am successful, it will mean I leave this town and move close to this job.

Okay, I get that it doesn't sound that interesting, but I still find it very interesting indeed. We as humans are not built for change. We dislike change, we grow into a routine and when we introduce unfamiliar concepts into this routine, we find ourselves confused, anxious and even scared. Or at least, I do.

Change is always good, to an extent. Relocating to a new town however, away from everything I've known, from the people I love to the routine I'm accustomed to. The difficult decision I have ahead of me is kind of foreign. I need to decide how I care about someone I have not known for very long, but have grown extremely close to within a short amount of time.

The main issue here is that although this path will be good for me, in terms of career, it's also not good for me in terms of benefiting what I currently have with said person. It will put a strain on our emotions, and further down the line, our relationship.

I understand that jobs come and go and that people I truly care about are few and far between. This is why it's going to be an interesting day. Hypothetically, if I get the job and I take it, there are multiple scenarios to choose from.

I can stay where I am and commute every day - it would be a long commute meaning not much time to spend together. I can move to my job, which again results in spending very little time together. Or I move somewhere between the location of the job and where I currently live. The latter results in seeing a bit more of each other, but due to both needing to commute, we'll still not see much of each other, but more than the other two options.

Then of course there's the chance that I fuck the interview up and don't get the job. Now, although this might seem like a bad outcome, I can look for a shit dead end job where I'm currently located which will result in having a lot of time to see each other, but no career.

I'm kind of torn between what I want; A good job with the possibility that it turns into a career and I lose her. Or, dead end job for a year or two and we play the relationship game and see where it goes. I guess either way I'll end up playing the relationship game, the only difference is that if I stay here, we have a better chance of becoming something.

Perfect imperfections with mistakes and unlearned lessons.