Todayy

A southern life
2017-10-17 23:15:04 (UTC)

Broken Smile

I go throughout my day and I see attractive people and I get mini crushes on them and I wear something pretty or gloss my lips so I can look attractive too. I daydream sometimes about these people and wonder what we would look like as a couple or how the person's lips taste and there are random moments where I feel happy joyful or hopeful about the future and I know it's a good sign to feel this way but then it hits me out of nowhere, that you probably feel these feelings too towards other people. Then something tells me "Oh honey he's way past this point. Remember he left you? He left you because he didn't care about you darling, he left you while you were still caring. By now maybe he's already talking to some other girl or who knows maybe he's already dating again. You are just now starting to feel better. He's BEEN feeling better. He already has his career together darling and here you are just NOW starting to feel a little bit better. There's nothing wrong with how people heal and I'm not telling you this to feel shitty again, I am telling you this so you stop thinking of him. Stop thinking what he's doing! Or who he is doing...and stop telling yourself he's coming back because you know damn well that's a lie babe. Honestly, who cares about him?? Darling, it's irrelevant, it's history and the only thing that matters now is here and you."
I don't exactly feel better after hearing this but it makes me feel more comfortable and I feel like I can breathe. One thing that I have definitely notice, something very weird, I don't know...it might be nothing but still. I promised him that if he left that he would be taking my happiness, my happy, my smile with him (lol we honestly thought we would be together forever). Lately, when I take selfies, it looks so weird to me when I smile, so I don't. Honestly, haha the picture looks better when I don't smile in my opinion but still I loved smiling in all my photos but now it looks weird it looks fake and I hate it because I feel like I can't smile anymore, like not even a normal one. Like I forgot how...maybe I'm still healing or I don't know but I hate that I can't smile. Then it made me think about the promises that he made and it made me think is he also struggling with his promises like me? I know it sounds so stupid but he promised if we didn't work out that he would never settle, that he would never date again and that to me at the time sounded silly because well...he's a guy.....and guys you know...like...sex....so I highly doubt he won't settle down because he will I know he will. I did tell him to not make not promise that he would have to move on and find someone because I did want him to be happy but in that moment he responded and reassured me that he wouldn't.I think back to that promised he made me and my promise that I made him and if the promises are coming true........? THEN IT SUCKS! haha, I would rather promise to never date again than to lose my damn happiness. Ugh, why couldn't I promise something else!? Now I feel like my smile is gone....or maybe I just need to work on being happy more I don't know but still. How are your promises working out?




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