The Girl With 4 Scars

The Girl With 4 Scars
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2017-10-12 23:11:42 (UTC)

Why do I do this? lol

so Danny messaged me out of the blue. We havent talked for a couple months. or at least that's what it feels like.

I had told him, the reason i took a break, was because, i wanted to focus on work, and try to move up more. which i did.

it was only partially true. but the real truth, is, im not emotionally, equipped for friends with benefits. as fun as it is. eventually, i get attached, and start getting jealous easily. and thats not healthy i feel like. to constantly be stalking someone's facebook, to see if they're going to cheat on you.

i've only had bad experiences with this. they say they dont want a relationship. they get what they, and i look at their facebook. and bam they're in a relationship. this has happened on more than one occasion to me. and it's annoying as fuck.

so i had to distance myself, because, i didnt want to be like that.

but of course, we made plans to have another round. i mean in some ways i do want to. physically i know it will be good. but why, do i do this to myself??

like i know, i deserve more than friends with benefits. im becoming one lf those people, i hate. settling, for what's right there. not that, i dont enjoy being around him. he doesnt judge me, and accepts me for who i am. which is what i want in a partner.

but, i dont know. i dont think, there is a right man or woman. and if there is a " right" man for me. its not the one you expect right? why do i even care if im in a relationship?? or seeing someone? why does it even matter? why cant i just be happy, being by myself, and not fall into a routine of every other person.

i guess, deep down i do want a relationship. i mean after sll the shit ive been through, i feel like i deserve a chance like anyone else does.