My Letter To The World
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2017-10-02 05:25:35 (UTC)

Did the Day

Mood: Fine
Song: Ain't it fun By Paramore
Color: Purple

I didn't want to do anything today, last night was a really long night and i swear i was having some weird hallucinations or something and it was not fun...omg. I got very little sleep because when i would start to doze off i would start to hear things, voices, like whispers and like people were outside my door talking, you know how it sounds when you can like hear the vibrations of a conversation the hum of it, but you can't understand what is being said? it was like that.
but with the whispers i'd catch words like i'd be out of it, and then realize that i was hearing something and become aware enough and catch a whispered word that seemed louder than the rest but probably only seemed louder because i was trying to pay attention and catch something.
And then i would spend long bouts of time laying in the dark unable to find a comfortable position wanting to grab my phone and see the time, see how long it would be until my alarm went off...but not letting myself because i wanted to go to sleep not stay up on my phone or computer or anything and i thought if i laid there long enough i'd fall asleep....
But then when i would doze because i know i did sleep a little it was plagued with dreams, like flashes different people doing or saying different things, usually something horrible happening to them... or just something weird that didn't make any sense to me.
One person's flash probably lasting like 10-15 seconds like just long enough for me to see what happens to them before it goes on to someone else.
and when i say 10-15 seconds it's just an estimate on how it felt, not anything like how it actually was cause we all know that dreams happen so fast and well there's no way to gauge time within a dream.

The Vampire jumped off the suicide bridge in California after yelling at me for following him there.
Fairy Got into a car accident late at night, a day passes, i get a call asking when i last heard from her.
My Grandmother is in a restaurant when she suddenly has some sort of stroke and i'm watching my aunt panic and call 911.
Estebaliz Ends up getting stung by multiple bees and dies because of it and i'm to afraid of them to do anything to help.
Catrina Dies in a house fire at her dad's while she's there visiting him.

there are a few others but... im not going to write them down.
Hallucinations and dreams and i just couldn't handle last night.
remember watching the sun come up and finally falling into a deeper black dreamless sleep sometime after that and waking up what seems like minutes later to my alarm going off...i laid in bed for a few minutes feeling nauseous and hung over.
I decided that i wasn't going to go to church and even went down stairs to let everyone know, when i did i ended up seeing my parents also not having a good morning and ended up helping them with a bunch of stuff because they asked and then after doing a bunch of stuff my mom goes "so your not going today?" i just sigh and say i'll go to church but not sunday school, because i knew my dad needed the moral support today, and i ended up going to both church and Sunday school, going to Altus for lunch with my family and driving because dad got tired.
Got home read for a bit and fell asleep for about an hour which i regret becasue i woke up with a really bad headache which i stumbled down stairs to take something for.
Had 30 minutes before church..... went and did a bunch of basic training that i had been not doing so i had a lot to catch up on.
Came home made dinner for everyone, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and came upstairs and watched YouTube videos and read until my eyes couldn't handle it, closed my eyes for a while listening to music until messages from the vampire came.
then...started writing this.

i still don't feel particularly well...my head is still sensitive.
but i did the day and i'm glad i did, good things happened despite how i felt ect.
as it's Sunday here are the things i'm thankful for.

1. God
2. Hope
3. Faith.
4. Friendship.
5. Family
6. Good books that take you away.
7. Music
8. cooler weather
9. Emma who's going to be nine on the eighth.
10. Writing.
11. Laughter.
12. Practical jokes on my Dad.
13. Air to breathe
14. My senses
15. Compassion
16. Seeing beauty in things that most people don't.
17. Anticipation
18. Creativity.
19. Giving
20. Internet.

(i would also just like to say that i had nothing last night there was no, drugs, Alcohol, Nothing, not even something as innocent as a benadryl or IB profin.
Nothing, and i can't blame it on eating anything weird either because i barely ate anything yesterday and nothing before bed so i guess my question then is what causes Dreams and hallucinations?????? weird.
So here's hoping we don't have a repeat performance of last night, fingers crossed and praying for peace that passes understanding.