My Letter To The World
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2017-09-17 22:40:04 (UTC)

As predicted

Mood: Worried
Song: Lips of an Angle by Hinder
Color: Bronze

As predicted i do feel a lot of anxiety today, and instead of just trying to ignore it i'm going to acknowledge it for a minute and just list the things that are on my mind, the things that are worrying me and giving me anxiety.

1. Dad Leaving early for the city, for the hospital because he was coughing up blood.
2. His Surgery tomorrow.
3. Having to go to work Wednesday and maybe having to leave the Girls home alone too long if they are still in the city
4. Church tonight just a social anxiety and having to make sure the kids behave.
5. Secret Santa and secret Project deadline.

Okay so those are my concerns at the moment.
Life is just marching on and right now i don't really feel ready for it.
Time fly's by then creeps and then fly's by all over again.
ugh i just hate the consuming feeling of anxiety and how my hands are shaking and i feel like i can't breath or can't get in a good proper deep breath...light headed but you don't pass out.
where you can feel your heart beat loud in your ears.

Okay so now that we've discussed all the bad i am now going to do the best i can to focus on the good, and ignore the anxiety attack that i feel...as it's Sunday here are the things that i am thankful for.

1. Rain.
2. Family
3. Faith
4. Peace that passes understanding.
5. Friends.
6. Music
7. Doctors who know what they are doing.
8. Time passing past the anxiety and bad things...how the day's and things you worry about will pass by and be behind you soon.
9. God.
10. Steadying.
11. My Siblings
12. Creativity.
13. The day light.
14. Being stronger than i once was.
15. Compassion
16. Grace
17. Learning from other people.
18. Internet
19. Laughter
20. Poetry
21. Character
22. A Job
23. Facing fears head on...even if i might be sick doing it.
24. Distraction
25. change
26. Pictures/Photography
27. Zoe, Karl, Jay.
28. Hope
29. Personality
30. New Tries
31. Health
32. Pain because it tell you something is wrong.
33. Memories.
34. A home
35. Being From where i am from in all senses of the word.

The anxiety comes in waves, one minutes it's really bad, like i haven't felt anxiety like this since i was a teenager... but then it fades away faster than it did back then, mostly i think because i know better how to handle it now then i did when i was a teenager.
But like i said waves, one minute i'm standing waste high in the waves and it's fine and then next i feel like i'm swept out in a riptide and i'm 20 feet down frantically swimming for the surface.
breathe. Pray. focus on something else. Repeat.

Peace. (Because we all need it and i'm wishing it for us all to have it)