My Letter To The World
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2017-09-16 04:40:45 (UTC)

Good things and Bad

Mood: Happy content
Song: Teenage dirt bag The 1D cover
Color: light orange

I feel like the past few day's i have been in such a good mood, specially in the evenings like this....
I just feel happy and tired and at peace for the most part and like i'm looking forward to the next day and i guess i'm reaching maybe a happier phase of life...like things could look up.
I don't know what tomorrow holds and the cynical side of me wants to say that things get better just to crash you down harder.
and that may happen who knows? but you know what? i'm choosing to be happy in this moment.
And let tomorrow worry about it's self.
tonight i'm in a good mood.

Tonight i talked with my Grandpa and had good conversations and he saw some of my drawings and he was actually really impressed which made me feel good...like i don't know i feel like he's changing and maybe he's being better than he was in the past....and maybe we could actually get along and have a good relationship.
I feel like part of me is really hoping for it because my luck in that department hasn't been that great.

Tomorrow is Saturday which feels more like a Friday.
Idk new job has thrown off how weeks usually feel and go for me, and i know i will get into a grove and it will become normal but it hasn't yet.

Also Norma today said she saw a little boy in a bedroom off her living room, insisted he was there and told me to go check on him i of course knew that there was no one in the house but the two of us but at her insistence went and checked out the room and didn't see anyone...which just made it a really creepy experience.
She also made me fold a freaking sheet a million different ways and every way i did it she would go "no thats not right" and i'd do it a differnt way and she'd say the same thing, and finally she got frustrated at me(i was already frustrated at her) and i got her a blanket instead.
But like literally there are only so many ways one can fold a sheet..... -__-
Older people and there particular ways of wanting things is sometimes very annoying.
Like seriously! it's a freaking sheet you fold it in half long ways or short ways, that's it for normal sheet folding....
the sarcastic side of me wanted to fold it into a triangle because i know how to do that...with like flags and stuff....
But i did not as her husband is military and it would have been insulting....on many levels now that i think about it.
i wasn't thinking of how military family's receive an American flag folded into a triangle when the soldier passes away....
I was just thinking of an odd way and shape to fold something in...because nothing i was doing was right.

I feel like i do more wrong for her than right and we get along best when i first arrive or when i'm leaving.
today we sat in silence alot.... her reading a book and me reading another....because in between getting stuff for her and helping her to the restroom what else am i supposed to do?
and half the time in that silence i'm thinking that it's comfortable and then the other half i'm freaking out because i feel like i should be talking to her and making conversation and it's awkward because i don't always know what to say, but then i think that if she wanted to talk she'd say something and it would strike up a conversation....
But then if she's like me...she could be thinking the same thing.
Basically i want her to know that if she wants to talk that's great and if not that's fine too...
Like i don't want to hurt or offend her in any way and it is never my intention to....
Like when her husband got back he asked if she had a good day and she shook her head no, and i know that she wasn't feeling well but i can't help but think that maybe that had something to do with me and something i did wrong.
or maybe it didn't and i'm too self centered.
*Sigh* this is all very up in the air and very unknown and i don't like things up in the air and unknown.