2017-09-13 21:50:04 (UTC)

i cant

I am probably one of the worlds biggest idiots.
You know who asked me out right about us.. whether there is an us in the future, whether there could be an us in the future and i just couldn't say yes. Because the truth is i don't know. the feelings are there sometimes.. most the time. But he's not here and wont be for a while. and when he is you know ive never met the guy, i just cant say yes no matter how much i feel like i know him. god this is breaking my heart.

I can see how much he is hurting and i don't know how to fix it. on top of all that i just need to cut. i need to let it all out and its going to feel amazing but im going to hate myself for it later because i haven't done it in so long. i hate this feeling, its like i can't breathe.

im such an awful person.
To make it worse i can't get that fucking message out of my head. The fucking bitch. what gives her the right to comment on my life, the people in my life. is she so spiteful, that she doesnt realise how bad i already feel that she feels the need to just push the fucking stick in just a little more.